Dreams

Sometimes I wonder how my dreams seem to apply to everyone but me. I know that it isn't true it just seems that way sometimes. Everyone has dreams of what there life will be like and dreams of what they want for the house and family. I have realistic dreams and yet I still don't seem to get them. I have one big dream right now and that is for children although I know that it is something I have no say over. I can plan it all I want but if it isn't the right time then it won't happen. It is something that is completely out of my control really, it just seems that I am the only one left that can't have this dream. Even family that isn't married and have no job can have a wonderful baby and I can't. Maybe I waited to long in my life. I should have done it sooner maybe. I shouldn't have been so careful all those years with birth control. These are the things that go through my mind and yet I know I did the right thing. I wanted to be married and have my career and a house first. I know that these things don't really matter but they did to me. I wanted to be different than all my cousins who were very young (18) not married, no careers and still lived at home. I am not saying that this is wrong in any way I am just stating facts. I just wanted to be different than what they did. I know that if it is meant to be it will happen I just hope it is sooner than later cause I want 2 kids but I only have a few years left. Tony wants to be under 40 when we are having our last child and that only gives me 5 years left.

On another note of dreams I have noticed that I have had some very odd and vivid dreams the last couple of nights. They are all very weird. Some of them I won't go into cause I wasn't something that I would discuss but very weird. Another one I was getting a 2nd tattoo and for some reason I put it on top of my first one. I had a princess type women on my shoulder blade and was getting a poker hand tattooed on top of it but so that the women's face was showing over the top of it. This was odd as I don't have any tattoos and would never get one on my shoulder blade. I don't play poker at all either. the princess would be fine but she was a weird looking princess. I don't know why I am having these dreams but maybe I have a lot more on my mind than I thought I did.

I am getting excited now though. Only 2 more days of work and then I am off on holidays. I am off for almost the entire month of August. I just have a few shifts at the end of the month that is it. I can't wait to go away for the long weekend then my brothers wedding on the 9th. Then we go away for 2 weeks to the lake and I can relax and enjoy and not think to much.