Almost Christmas

I am getting excited now. I have to admit I wasn't really for a while there. I was thinking with Lauren not sleeping and being cranky I wasn't going to enjoy it. Then on Saturday we had a dinner at my parents with family friends and Lauren did good. She did get cranky and didn't want to sleep but she did. We even stayed out late with her sleeping upstairs. It was really nice. The family friends have a 14month old daughter as well. They said that they have been through this and totally understand. I felt a bit better that no one there had a problem with the fact that she was having a meltdown before bed and that I was with her somewhere else. I don't have that at both sides. Usually I hear things like "why can't you keep her quiet" 'Shouldn't you take her down stairs rather than just another room so no one can hear" and the best, " put her down to sleep downstairs and close the door, then she can cry and cry and you can't hear her and you can enjoy the night, She will learn"
I know that they need to learn to put themselves back to sleep. Lauren has been doing this well for a few weeks now but they wanted her put down in the middle of a meltdown and ignored. This I can't do. I think at my parents she couldn't be put down awake and go to sleep cause she didn't' know where she was and the bed was different. Tony just went in and held her till she fell asleep and then put her down and she slept fine. Since then at home we can put her down awake for her naps and bedtime and she goes right to sleep.
I have also given up on trying to stop her nighttime wake ups for now. We noticed that there wasn't a pattern to her waking and once she was fed she was fine. I am not feeding her to sleep eve, she eats and then I put her back to bed awake and she goes to sleep once she wiggles around till she is comfortable. I figure once she is on more formula maybe then she will sleep better. She isn't getting much protein from just veggies and fruits and the only protein is from the 10mls 3x a day from the formula. Once she gets a bit more maybe then she will sleep. She is only up twice and that is fine I guess for now.

I am done shopping and almost the wrapping. I have to admit that Tony wraps I just have to do the stocking stuffers and his gift so I have it pretty easy. I plan to do this during Laurens afternoon nap today. I should be doing it during this one but the wrapping supplies are in her room and I don't want to go get them now. It is going to be a busy 2 days but it will be so much fun!

Better

Okay I think I overdid it on the last post. I almost deleted it but didn't. I want to start with the fact that I love my daughter so much and would never want to leave her. I was just so tired and I wasn't thinking normally.
Anyway, last night was so much better. I think she was just testing us and in turn was making herself tired too. She went to bed at 7:30 and didn't wake till 3 to eat. She did wake a few times before that but settled herself back to sleep like we were trying to teach her. She then woke up again at 7:30. I figured she was up for the day but she was just hungry and so tired she fell asleep and slept till 10:40. Oddly Tony and I were both up by then and showered and waiting for her so that we could go into Langley and get shopping done. She was in a great happy smiley mood just like she normally is when we aren't trying to sleep train her. I know it was only one night and it might just be a fluke that she slept well but it meant I got sleep too! She has also been having good naps today and it closing in on 2 hours. I hope this means that we have figured out the sleep thing and all will be good. I am perfectly content getting up once a night to feed her at the moment and will work on weaning off that one in a bit. I just wanted the sleep thing better for Christmas. We have a busy 2 days and I need her to get sleep so that I am not sitting in a separate room from everyone with a fussy screaming baby that needs to sleep.

Sleep training?

So I think the only thing this is training is me to not sleep. We got the going to bed thing down no problem. I can do all her nighttime rituals and then lay her down awake or drowsy and she goes to sleep on her own. I can also do this for her naps. The only problem is that she doesn't nap long enough. She wakes up after 45 minutes to an hour. This I don't know how to correct. We are also trying to have her not get up to eat except for once during the night. She has been going to bed at 8 and waking up starting at 10. I can then feed her to sleep and she is up every hour on the hour. I decided that she didn't need to eat that much and I needed sleep. We decided that we would just go in and comfort her but not pick her up. It seems that this just makes her cry harder. I have had 11 hours sleep in the past 72 and can't do it anymore. I almost left last night. I don't know where I would have gone but I wanted to leave and sleep and not listen to her. I have had a fussy crying baby for over a week now and I can't deal anymore. I need her to learn to take a bottle or something so I can go out by myself to do something and have a break for more than an hour. Going out to get groceries doesn't count. I need some me time I have decided although without sleep I can't do anything. Last night was the worst. She woke up at 10 and screamed till after 2:30 at which time I gave in and fed her cause I needed some sleep. She fell asleep and slept for an hour then screamed till 7 then I fed her again and she slept till 9. I know she needs better naps but I can't figure out how to make her sleep longer. I also don't know why she is waking so early now and wanting to suck constantly. I just don't know what else to try so that I can sleep

Quick post

I will try to make this quick. I should be in bed as Lauren is asleep and I need to sleep when she does.
We have started sleep training as of Sunday. I am starting slow and this was just to get her to sleep at night. She used to go down easy and go to sleep on her own. After teething and noticing when she cried we would pick her up she liked this. So in made bedtime a bit harder. I started Sunday night putting her down awake and not picking her up. She cried for a few hours. She was also then up almost every hour after that screaming. I kept going in and telling her I loved her and everything but not picking her up. Till about 3am and Tony and I hadn't got any sleep we went to get her to sleep in our bed. Even that didn't help her to stop crying. She was stubborn. I knew I had to keep trying though. This week Tony is on afternoons so he isn't here for bedtime so it was going to be all me. Monday she cried for half an hour. I went in at 10 minutes like all the book say and it made her cry harder. I don't think I was comforting her I made it worse. Tuesday night it was about 2 minutes of crying and tonight was the best it was just a bit of fussing as I put her down with her lip out as far as it could go but as soon as I turned away she sighed and went to sleep. Once I know that this is working I will have to work on the night time feeding. Monday night she slept all the way till quarter to 4 so I know she can make it longer. Then last night she was up at 12 and 4. I am going to keep feeding her at this time till the bedtime is figured out. At least after the feeds though I put her down awake and she is okay now. I think I will slowly start feeding her for a shorter and shorter time so she notices she doesn't need it but I will have to see what happens. I have to look into this more I think.
We also got her the next car seat. We were at a birthday on Sunday and one of the girls there told me to get the Britax Marathon. She has done all the research and I had heard this before. I happened to find it at TJs on sale with the sale ending Tuesday so we went and got it as the sale was good. We haven't tried it in the car yet but she sat in it in the house and she didn't get upset like her seat now. This one will fit much better than all the other seats we were looking at too. I am lucky that I talked to the right person the right day to get this one. It is funny though cause she looks so small in this seat sort of like what she looked like in her original one when we brought her home from the hospital the first time. I can't believe she is growing up so much. She is now 19lbs and getting bigger every day. Now to get her to sit and crawl. I would really like her sitting for Christmas. Okay I am off to bed now but I wanted a quick post that turned out longer than I was supposed to.

Different this year

I have been thinking about Christmas a lot lately as it is getting close. It is going to be very different this year. Not only will I have Lauren which means so much more stuff to bring with us but so much more gifts we will be getting. It sounds like her aunts and uncles have bought out most of the stores. This year we are going to the island for dinner. This makes for a very busy day. I don't remember the last time I had dinner anywhere but at my parents place. So our Christmas starts Christmas eve where we go to dinner at his parents place. Then in the morning we go back to his parents to open gifts and Tony gets a stocking there. We have to leave there by 10:30 so we get to my parents for 11. This gives us 1 hour to do all our gifts there. At 12 we have to leave to get to the ferry. At least everyone from that household is going together. We are going to my cousins place which will be lots of fun. I like my cousins but don't get to see them nearly often enough. It will be weird though as I have always had my grandparents around at Christmas time. This is the first Christmas ever that I don't have any. It actually makes me really really sad. It could be that a year ago today was the last time I got to talk to my grandpa and he passed away a year ago tomorrow. It could just be weird horomones, I don't know.
This past year has been a huge whirl wind for us. I lost my uncle, grandpa and my grandma and almost lost my daughter. That is way more than a person should have to deal with in a year.

On another note we are back to sleeping better. All of the teeth are now through. We thought that would be fine but last night again she started to scream minutes after putting her to sleep. This happened over and over. We would pick her up and she would be fine. We would lay her down and she would be fine then the screaming would start. Tony happened to notice on the baby monitor that it was when she turned her head to the one side. The next time we went in he touched her ear and she cried. It wasn't an infection it was just sore for some reason. I layed her on her side so that side was up and put a blanket behind her back so she couldn't roll that way in her sleep. She grabbed her stuffed dog and went right to sleep. She only woke up once last night. If only I had noticed this the night before when she was up basically all night cause she kept turning her head to that ear. She likes to face her aquarium so I learned last night and turned her so that she could see it but she was on her side so that she couldn't turn and lay on her ear.

I also found out I have to start her on her special formula starting on Monday. I am not looking forward to this though. I don't know what she will think as she has only had breast milk to this point. They start us small with only 10mls 3x a day and will build it up slowly. Basically they are weaning her off breast milk so this is definitely mommy led weaning although I call it hospital led as I don't have the option either. I guess in a way though this has to be the easiest for me as it goes slowly so my supply will go down slowly so I won't have a lot of engorgement issues or anything which will be nice. I know it is better for her but I just wish I didn't have to stop breastfeeding as i love that time with her although it will go slow so it will probably be when I am ready to wean anyway.

7 months

I can't believe that Lauren was 7 months old yesterday. I have to admit I thought that at 7 months I would have a child that was sleeping though the night and almost crawling but oh well. We had gotten so much better with her waking up only once maybe twice during the night. Then she started teething. Both her top teeth were coming through. She now has one all the way through and the other one will be through by the weekend for sure. We also noticed that both times she was teething (she has almost 4 teeth but the bottoms came in together like the top) we were also weaning her off one of her meds. I think that this just makes it worse. Although we will have her med off by Dec 5th so hopefully by Christmas she will be back to only once a night if anything. She is just up every hour or so and cries and cries. She doesn't always want to eat even just to cry and be held. She hasn't been napping well either and I know that is part of it. It all started Saturday when we went to Tony's parents for dinner and she was played with and off her routine. This is fine but when she woke up after going to sleep she just needed a quick cuddle and then would have been fine. Tony's mom always wants to play and basically beat me to her and stimulated her and woke her up. This meant she was awake till after 10 when we got home and then was up every hour. Since then it has been awful. I have told her many times that she needs to not do this but she doesn't listen. I am hoping today is a change. Her second tooth is almost through and as I type this she has been having her nap for over an hour already. Usually she naps around 9 and today it was closer to 11 but that is okay as long as she is sleeping now.

The other problem we are having is car seats. We can keep her in the small carrier for a bit longer and I am hoping to at least get past Christmas. We have to take a ferry and it will be easier at night if she is asleep to just take the while seat upstairs and not wake her. We went looking for the big seats and they just don't fit. TO have them at the right 45 degree angle the front seat has to be all the way forward. This would be fine for me to just sit squished when we go out together until we realised that with the airbag we can't do that as it wouldn't be safe at all. So now that means that one of us always has to ride in the back seat with the larger seat till it is front facing and that is a long way off. We have no idea what we will do if we have a second child. The rear facing carrier and a front facing seat will fit but when the carrier is to small it will be really hard to make me sit in the back in the middle of 2 car seats.

Well she just woke up so off to mommy duty.

Lauren's update

We had our appointment at Childrens on Thursday and it went great. Lauren now weighs 16.5 pounds which puts her back to the 50th percentile for weight. She was born at the 50th and she actually at one point dropped so low she wasn't on the chart anymore. Having her back to the 50th means that she is eating well. She did great for the EEG too. I was worried she wasn't going to sleep through it. We were supposed to sleep deprive her but we didn't. That was also the night that she decided to only get up at 3 to eat and that was it. We are down to only getting up once or maybe twice a night now which is great! She had her normal morning nap although I did get her up after an hour rather than letting her sleep longer. We went for the EEG and I fed her to sleep. I just felt bad cause normally her afternoon naps are 2 hours and after the 20 minute nap she got we had to wake her as it was part of the EEG to have her stimulated. We then went to meet with the metabolic doctor and the neurologist. This went good and they were happy that she was meeting all her milestones. They do feel that she will be behind with her speech though. She has a mutated form of this disorder and the 3 other kids worldwide that have had her form have all had speech delays. Not just a few months though, one boy was 4 before even saying mama. I can handle this though. I have a happy healthy living little girl, I will just have to use a few more words than planned with the signing.
We got her results back from her EEG while we were there and it came back NORMAL. Not just better than she had or showing no seizures. I mean she has NORMAL brain activity. This means that they are getting rid of her last seizure medication. They had originally told us that she would be on it till at least 5 and now it will be gone before she is 7 1/2 months old. I am a little nervous about removing it but I know she will do fine. It will also be nice to only have meds twice a day and no longer the orange pill that stains everything when she spits up.
We also met with the dietitian. This is where we will have some work figuring out her diet. She has to have spinal taps every 6 months for a couple of years and then it will be once a year. This will give a baseline for what her AASA levels are - this is the toxin that builds up in her brain- and then we will change her diet depending on the levels. Basically though she will be a vegetarian that can't have dairy or soy. Her protein will be very limited. She can have lots of fruits and veggies though so we have been given the green light to feed her those for now. She will also be started on a formula in a couple of months. I can still breastfeed a little but mostly it will be this special formula that will give her the nutrients she needs. Breast milk has lysine which is the amino acid they want to stay away from. She will most likely be on this formula for most of her life as she won't be able to have milk. The formula will give her the protein she needs but has the amino acid removed from it.
All in all she is perfect and doing great and that was all we cared about. So what if she has a large talking delay. I just hope she will be able to talk by kindergarten. We will keep working on it though and maybe she will surprise them with that as well.
From going from birth where we were told when she was 4 days old that she probably wouldn't make it to now where she is fine she just needs extra checkups, special diet and some meds she has come a long way.

I give up

Well I decided I give up with this sleep thing. It will happen when it she is ready. We had started out so good. She was getting good naps in and getting up only twice during the night again. Then Saturday night she was up every hour and a half and wanting to eat. Then Sunday she really didn't nap. We went to a baptism and there was so much going on that she didn't nap. She enjoyed the church service though and was happy all through that. Then she was so tired she went to sleep at 7:30 without having her cereal or her bath. She slept right till 1 which I thought was great till she was up at 2,3 and 4. Then she decided to sleep right till 8:30 which is way later than she usually sleeps. This no scheduled sleeping really messes me up with all the broken sleep. Also with me breastfeeding it is a bit hard on me too. My poor body isn't sure what to do and I have one night where I am engorged and the next where it is like "wait a minute you want more already". So I have decided to give up on trying to figure it out and try to just go with the flow. I don't know how long i am going to last with lack of sleep but I will see. I also noticed that her top two teeth are right at the gums and the gums are all swollen. This could also be a part of why she is all over the place with her sleeping. Like her bottom 2 teeth her top 2 look like they are going to come in together. This can be good and bad. I am sure the pain is worse but if they come in together then it is less teething time that she has to go through. Her sleep sacks should come this week so we will stop swaddling once I have them. She also has her appointment at Children's on Thursday. She will have an EEG to check for any more seizure activity. They want us to sleep deprive her so that she will sleep for the test but it makes me wonder about them working in a children's hospital. If I sleep deprive her then she will just scream through the test not sleep. Also I can't guarantee what will happen in the hour long drive to get there. I am hoping that it will just work out that she is tired and they can hook her all up and then I will just feed her to sleep. This will work the best with the least amount of crying and fussing I think. I just hope it works.
I am getting so excited for Christmas. Tony made the mistake of letting me watch Fred Claus on TV Saturday night and now I am completely in the Christmas mood. If only our families would give us lists of what they want and I could do all my shopping it would be great!

Getting better

Well I have listened to all the advice and things seem to be getting better. I think that part of the problem is that she isn't getting good naps during the day. We are working on this but unsure how to correct it. She goes to sleep easy. We have never had a problem getting her to nap or to go to bed at night. The problem is that she doesn't nap long and is awake and won't go back to sleep. Yesterday she had an afternoon nap that lasted an hour though and that was better. Today she had 2 morning naps -one planned and one impromptu on her play mat- that lasted about half an hour each. Then she had an afternoon one that was 1 1/2 hours so I am hoping that is a good sign. Another part of the problem at night is that she is hungry when she wakes up. For some reason I never clued into why. It took a good friend who listens about what is wrong with her to notice. Lauren has very high metabolism. We know this by how fast her meds would go through her and by how much food it took to get her to gain weight. Of course it makes sense that she is waking up at night to eat cause she doesn't get enough normal food to get her through and it is known that breast milk doesn't last as long as say formula. Now that I know this I feel much better. Last night was better too. She woke only at 12:30 and 4. She did wake at 6 but there was so much noise going on outside I think that woke her up. She just wanted a quick cuddle then and went back to sleep. We don't co sleep as Tony is very against this so I honor his wishes. There have been problems in his family with this and he is terrified of anything happening to Lauren. I do bring her to bed occasionally once he has left for work and it doesn't make her sleep any better but I have learned to feed her laying down and can fall asleep that way which is nice. I do plan to stop swaddling her soon. I have some sleep sacks coming in the mail and once they are here I will use them. She moves around so much at night if I didn't have them she would be kicking off her blankets. One of my friends that I know form in the states from my grief and loss boards is making them for me and she mailed them this week so I should have them next week. I think she is ready to be unswaddled I just want to make sure she is warm enough. I think once she is on more foods than just the little bit of rice cereal it will make a difference. With the weekend coming I know I can get some more sleep. Tony has been so busy on weekends lately and then he was sick he wasn't much help. This weekend we don't have early plans. That means that he gets up with her in the morning and I get to sleep another 2-3 hours depending on how long till she wants to eat. I am definitely looking forward to that.
So Thank-You everyone for the advice. It made me feel a bit better that I wasn't the only one. I will keep working at it as I know that it will get better.

On another note I did get my H1N1 shot and feel fine. Lauren hasn't got hers yet as she can't have the adjunct in it. I will get hers though as not only is she a baby and at risk but she has other risks as well. She has been vented so many times already I wouldn't want her to have it again. With the H1N1 flu part of it is fevers and a fever for Lauren could cause more seizures and can kill her so to me this is really important for her to have it. I won't keep her in a bubble all her life when it comes to colds and stuff as I know kids get them and they should at times in there life. A fever though that I can prevent I will as I just don't want to go through what we did again.

Sleep

I put off writing this blog cause I didn't want to admit I had a problem I guess. I know I am not the only one that has a baby that won't sleep. I know that there is many others out there that are having problems too. It just seems that there is more of my friends that have babies that sleep no problem. I don't know what it is with Lauren. I think we sort of helped the bad habits but I don't know what to do to change them. When she came home from hospital we had to wake her up in the middle of the night for meds. We also were told we had to wake her every 3 hours to eat. I didn't do this but did every 4 hours. I think this didn't help though. Now she is getting worse and worse with sleep. She did sleep from 8-5 and eat and then go back to sleep till about 7 at 3 months. Then it all changed and has got worse. Last night she was up every hour. Yes that is Every hour. I tried to ignore her for a bit to see if she would go back to sleep. Nope she just got louder and louder. She only wanted to eat a little so I know it wasn't that she was hungry. She won't take a soother so it wasn't' that she wanted that. She now only has 1 nap a day and it is only for about an hour. She is definitely not getting enough sleep at all. She is happy and smiley during the day though. I would think that if she needed more sleep that she would be fussy but she isn't. We started her on rice cereal hoping that the food would help her to sleep better but no such luck. I know that she can sleep though because when we were both sick she fell asleep at 7:30 and woke up at 4 to eat and then went back to sleep till 9. This would have been great for me if I wasn't sick too. I was up all night coughing and so it didn't help me at all. I am so tired I feel I can't do anything. I don't like driving cause it is like I am drunk and i don't even feel safe. I took her for her shots last week and don't' remember half the drive there. I walk around the house and I stumble cause I can't walk straight. I shouldn't be this tired all the time. She is 6 months old and should be sleeping better. I am not sure what to try. She doesn't work with crying it out cause she just keeps crying. I have no idea what to do. She is still swaddled at night cause if she gets her arms out then she is really awake. Lately she has been getting out of her wrap and I have to go in and re wrap her cause she has woken herself up although she must have been awake to get out of it in the first place. I just need sleep. I was so mad this morning I even told Tony that i was going to a hotel tonight and he could figure out how to feed her and get her to sleep. I don't even feel right I am so spacey in my head from lack of sleep and I don't know what to do.

Bad Blogger

Wow it has been forever since i have blogged. I feel like I don't have a lot of time lately. I have also been sick since Laurens shower so that is part of it.

Lauren is now 6 months old and still isn't sleeping better. If anything it has gotten worse lately. She still goes to bed at around 8. She then wakes up anywhere from 11-2 wanting to eat. Then she wakes up again anywhere from 4-6. This doesn't matter what time the first wake up is either. She could be up at 2 and 4 or 11 and 6. Anyway when she wakes up the second time then she wants to be awake for at least an hour. If i put her in the crib she just cries and cries and it gets louder and louder. If I hold her she cries as well. The only thing that works is if she is latched on to me. This is not a good thing as it just causes me pain. She won't take a soother but she thinks that I should be a human one for her. I just want this to get better as i am exhausted and hasn't helped me get better from being sick. She also is ready to get up for the day at 7 no matter what and then doesn't really nap till about 2 unless she just falls asleep in the middle of playing.

She has started Rice cereal and LOVES it. If you put it on the tray of her high chair and aren't ready to feed her yet she has her mouth open and yells and tries to get the food herself. I have to admit I was hoping this would help her sleep longer but no such luck. We aren't trying any other food till after our appointment at Children's and till we have seen the dietitian as she will be put on a special diet we know.

She rolls over both ways great but still isn't sitting. We are working on it though as she wants to sit just hasn't been able to do it on her own yet.

We just had her first Halloween. We didn't do much just dressed her as a mouse most of the day till the costume I wanted came in. I put her in her sock monkey costume for a bit. It is big though so I am hoping it will still fit next year as it is really cute on her.

I have to say even without her sleeping I love being her mom. I just want to get a few more hours sleep in a row thats all. It is the broken sleeping that is doing me in. I know that she will go back to sleeping through the night again I just wish i would hurry up.

Time

I notice that time is a lot different now. I should have more than I do. I just don't know where it goes anymore.
I know that I am more tired lately but then I have a baby so that is normal. Lauren is 5 months now and I can't believe the time is just flying by. I had kind of hoped that by 5 months she would be sleeping better but oh well. She was sleeping better at 3 months. Now she goes to bed at 8 then gets up at 12, 3 and 6. When she gets up at 6 she is up and ready for the day. I had got a couple of days out of her that she slept till 7 but not anymore. I have had numerous people tell me not to feed her when she wakes up and that will teach her to sleep. All that does is make her cry and yell. I can't have her making to much noise cause that wakes Tony up and he needs his sleep if he is working. I have also noticed that when I get her out of her crib and feed her she eats like crazy so she is definitely hungry so I am just going to feed her when she wakes up. I wish she would sleep from 8-3 at least but oh well eventually she will.

She has learned a lot lately. She can roll over both ways now although she doesn't tend to roll onto her stomach but she can do it. She just doesn't like being on her stomach so I can understand why she won't roll that way. She can sit for a few seconds at a time and she likes being in the sitting position when we hold her. If we lay her down to much she tries to sit up. Tony and I have a bet going and he thinks she will be crawling at Christmas so we will have to see. Her head is now completely under her own control and we don't have to hold it anymore. She finally got her neck strength. I think this was what was holding her back from sitting more cause her head kept falling and pulling her over. She laughs out loud a fair amount now and i love hearing it. She also spends most of her time with something in her mouth. If there is no toy available she had her hand or fingers in there. I can't see any teeth yet but there must be something happening cause if she isn't chewing she is crying and once something goes in her mouth to chew on then she is happy. She got my finger the other day and it hurts she chews so hard. She does nap great most days and has about an hour and a half in the morning right after her meds at 9 then naps again around 2 for about 2 hours. We will just keep working on the night time sleeping and maybe at 6 months when we can give her some cereal then she will sleep longer. Until then I will just enjoy my time with her and when I am exhausted at 3am I just keep telling myself that she is the best thing that has happened to me and I love her so much that I just want to spend a little more time with her.

Been a while

It has been a while since I last blogged. I have been so busy lately and yet not busy. I think I finally have a routine down with Lauren so it makes it a bit easier. She used to sleep so much better at night but that changed after we got home from the long weekend in August. I am hoping going away for the labour day long weekend will put her back on track. She now goes to bed at 8 usually. There are some nights that she is just wide awake and won't sleep till about 9:30. Those are the nights that we want to go to bed early. She usually gets up about 2-3 and then again at 5-6 sometimes she goes back to sleep after that but most times not. She then has a 1 hour nap about 9:30 and a 2 hour one at 1. She has started having a half hour one at 6ish as well but this works for us eating dinner. She is very exact with her times as well. I can check on her at 2 minutes to the 2 hours being up and she isn't moving a muscle but 2 minutes later she is wide awake. The only problem I am having is that I think I have a bad habit of feeding her to sleep. I know I shouldn't have done this but I did and now she needs to eat. I am hoping she will grow out of it but if she is hungry then I don't want her to be. She always eats then falls asleep. She empties both sides so I know it isn't just snacking. I just wish she would sleep longer at night. The problem is that she will get up every night at 2 then 5 then 7 and eat so i get used to it. Then all of a sudden she will sleep till 5. I would love for her to sleep right through till 5. Unfortunately I can't. I wake up hugely engorged and leaking everywhere when she does this. If she was going to regularly wake at 5 my body would get used to it but she seems to know when my body is okay and then she starts waking up every 2 hours again. Oh well she is only 4 months old and I am sure will sleep longer later. I was reading an article that when babies start to wake up more during the night and not wanting to sleep it is usually because they are learning something and want to keep learning and then once it has been learned they will sleep lots for a few days afterwards. I hope this is it and she is just trying to learn to completely keep her head up and to roll over.
So far we have only had a few bad night where she wakes up at 2 and figures it is playtime and won't go back to sleep. She also won't be left alone without crying. I am super lucky to have Tony and the last time she did it he got up after I fed her and played with her on her play mat till she fell asleep at 6:30. Then she woke up at 7:30 to eat. He then sent me back to bed again till 9 when she was hungry again. I can handle a couple of nights like that and I was lucky it was a weekend so he did get up. If she did that every night I don't know what i would do. So far I am lucky, I have been told that at 7-8 months they can have a sleep regression again so I will have to see what happens then.

Just over 2 months ago I was wishing I could be complaining of lack of sleep and sore nipples. Now I am and couldn't be happier. On the nights she won't sleep and just cries and cries, I have to remember that this is so much better than it was.

Summer

Well I can't believe that we are almost through the Summer already. At least this year it has been nice. I know that the past 2 years have been cold and raining for most of it. I know this because we have had 2 weeks each summer at the lake where it was awful. This year we were excited as we were going to have 3 weeks up there and we hoped for good weather. Unfortunately we only got the weekend. Tony used up all of his holidays with Lauren in the hospital. I don't blame him I know I couldn't go back to work with her being sick. When he did go back it was awful for him. So we decided to go away for at least the long weekends. Tony got Friday and Tuesday off this time so it made it a bit longer for us. I think the thing that bugged me the most was that this summer it has been so nice and we could have had 3 weeks with nice weather. It did get a bit too hot here though. At least at the lake when it is 40 we can just go and jump in the lake. Or in Laurens case she can just float around in her pool which she did for an hour at a time.

I had a hard time leaving the lake. I don't know what it was but I was almost in tears. I have never felt like that before, I swear my hormones are worse now that I am not pregnant. I really wanted my summer up there I think then maybe it would have felt normal to have a baby and our family there. Instead by only having the weekend it reminded me of what Lauren had to go through.

I can't believe she is 15 weeks already. It doesn't seem like that long I think. I am going to miss her little days as she is growing so fast. I can see how people want to have another baby right away so that they don't miss these stages. I think though that as much as I don't want her to grow up yet I think that I will like it as she grows and becomes such a little girl instead of a baby.

3 months

Wow it seems like time just flies by. I can't believe she is 3 months already. She is growing up way to fast for me. I want her to stay little for a while. She is getting stronger though. SHe hasn't quite got it about holding her head up but she is doing much better. She doesn't roll yet at all. She can roll from side to side but that is it. She does talk a lot though. Not real words of course so I guess it is called cooing but she will make a noise then if you answer her she will answer back. It is very cute. She has a wonderful smile that goes from ear to ear and occasionally laughs. She likes to smile usually right after she has spit up all over you. It is quite funny although she hasn't done it to me so I will probably think differently then.

A few things have changed for me though. I have to wear those awful breast pads again. I didn't really have to wear them before with me pumping regularly but now I need them. I don't actually leak throughout the day it is only when I am feeding. It doesn't matter what side I start on once my let down goes it is on both sides. I went through many shirts for a couple of days till I finally realised what was happening. The worst part was I had to then change my bra as well. At least I was at home. Tony sure got a kick out of it though. I also seems to have some power behind my milk. I can't spray across the room or anything but if Lauren unlatches to look at something she gets a face full of milk. The first time she sort of looked at me in shock like i had done something wrong. I then started to laugh and that made it worse. I am now down to less than my prepregnancy weight but my body isn't quite the same. My chest is way bigger and i will be happy to get rid of them. My stomach is flatter though. Something I never thought would happen. It is just a different shape though. My clothes fit differently. I will still never be bikini bound but I could wear a bathing suit with shorts for bottoms.

I just love being home with her and playing with her. I don't know how I am going to go back to work and that is still 9 months away. I was supposed to get my mat leave extended. The social worker at Children's helped me to set it up. Then I got denied because I took her home for 1 day. That's right if we had never left Langley with her and she had been admitted from there to Children's I could have got an extra 15 weeks. Now I don't because no one noticed she was having a problem. We didn't even know till we got her home. I tried to appeal it but they said the rules are that she had to be a direct admit. The only way I can extend my leave is to not get paid for the 7 weeks she was in hospital and then I can extend it by 7 weeks unpaid. They feel that I could have gone back to work for those 7 weeks. Are they crazy. What parent would go back to work while there child was in hospital and no idea what is wrong with them. It was hard enough for Tony to go to work there is no way both of us could have. Oh well I still get a year so I really shouldn't complain at all. I don't have to go back till May of next year so I still have time.

We have decided that we are going to go to the lake for the long weekends. Lauren is doing so well that we are looking forward to it. I am not sure if we are going to try her in the water there though. I know she will love it cause she loves her baths but this water is a bit colder so it might not be fun for her this year. Maybe next year and we will have more time as well up there cause Tony will have holidays that he can use for fun stuff instead of using it to sit at her bedside in hospital

Normal Life

It seems that I now have a normal life. I have had Lauren home now for 2 1/2 weeks and it feels like it should. I can't remember not having her in my life. She is so perfect for me.
We had our checkup at Children's yesterday and they feel like she is doing great and right on track. She is still a little behind but that makes sense because she was sedated and slept for 7 out of her 11 weeks. They don't know what her outcome will be because with babies you just don't know. They bounce back so easily. They all think she won't be 100% though but that is okay. So what if she is a little slow in school. It wasn't my favorite either. They think that may be her only hold back is just a bit of a learning slowness. They don't even say it will be a disability because they don't think it will be that noticeable. I don't care. I have my daughter here with me and that is all I care about. Her long term doesn't matter as we can work with that.
She is growing though. We knew she was getting bigger cause she looks so much bigger in her car seat. She is now 9lbs 12oz which I know is still small but for her that is big because she got below 5lbs at one point. They are stopping one of her other meds and they will stop another one next month. At first they told us that she would be 5 before they would all be off but she was doing so well that they will have them off in a couple of months. She will keep one seizure med till she is 5 though just in case. The nice thing though about the med they took off is that I don't have to wake her at midnight now. Last night I let her sleep till she woke up. She slept till 3:30. That is 7 hours of sleep she got. I think tonight I will feed her later and maybe she won't fall asleep so early and then she will sleep later in the night. It was great to not have to wake her and let her sleep though. It wasn't such a struggle to make her take the meds and eat. She just woke up and I changed her and then she ate great for about 40 minutes then I burped her and held her till she fell asleep. I know that you aren't supposed to rock them to sleep but she has a bit of reflux so if I lay her down she will spit up everywhere. So if I just hold her for 15 minutes she falls asleep and then her stomach is fine and I can lay her down. It was so nice. I didn't feel tired before but I felt very rested this time. The only thing is that i think she had been awake for a while before she cried to say she was hungry. She usually sleeps in a sleep positioner but it was down at the end of the bed. She had no blankets on anymore and they were at the end of the bed and she was up at the top of the bed. We had a few stuffed animals in the bed at the top and now we have had to take them out. We didn't think she could move that much. She was hugging her dog though as she cried and looked cute. I didn't think to take a picture though at that time of the morning. Now her bed is empty though and ready for tonight to see what happens. Now that we have become normal we can start going to visit people. We just haven't had much time on weekends because Tony is trying to get our Blazer on the road so that we can take the truck off the road and be a bit cheaper for gas.
All in all life is good and enjoyable. I can't imagine life with out my wonderful daughter.

The rest of the story

Okay I finally have some time to post this. It will be the shortened version as it is just to long otherwise.



It started when we finally got her home. We noticed that she was super gassy and wouldn't really eat. We talked to the public health nurse who said to give her some formula. I didn't really want to but we did. Well about an hour later it all came out. Then around 9 at night she finally had a great feed. I was happy and put her in her crib. She wasn't sleeping but she wasn't crying. I fell asleep but woke up at 12 and decided to try and feed her again. I got her out of her crib and took her to the chair and she vomited coffee ground emesis. At that point I knew we had to go to emerg. I thought that maybe I just had a bleed on my nipple and she had drank that. Well it all fell apart there. We took her to emerg and they started running a bunch of tests. First they checked her blood sugar and it came up as 0.2 they even checked it a few times cause they didn't believe it. With a blood sugar like that she should have been in a coma but yet she was still kicking and screaming. They had to shave all the hair off the sides of her head to put in IVs. I was so upset cause I liked her hair. They had us wait in a waiting room away from her while they did some of the tests. We had rushed out of the house so quickly we remembered diapers and clothes and everything for her but forgot about me. I had just given birth and yet didn't think to pack myself anything I needed. I also had my milk come in during the night while we were at the hospital. They had to set me up with a breast pump to use. Then after doing many many tests and hooking her up to 5 different antibiotics and an antiviral and had put in 2 IVs and a catheter and done a lumbar puncture they finally came to tell us what was happening. They weren't' sure what was wrong with her but they were going to get us transferred to Children's with the infant transport team. We were scared cause we knew if she had to go to children's then it was bad. The transport team got there and we thought they would just grab her and go but that wasn't the case. It took them 6 hours to stabilize her to be able to go. By this point we hadn't slept in 4 days and were so tired and worried I can't imagine we made much sense to anyone. We had to call my parents cause I would be the only one allowed to go with her and Tony wouldn't be able to drive out there himself. I guess I never knew what it was like to be the parent of a child that had to be medivaced out of a hospital. It was one of the infant transport team that noticed that she was having a seizure. Because of that they wanted to sedate her. When they sedate a baby they also have to then intubate them in case they stop breathing. She did great and although she was out she still breathed on her own. When we got there we were taken to the NICU. This place was great and they treated Tony and I great as well. We were one of 2 term babies in there though as most are preemies. It was horrible to see her hooked up to so many machines and all sorts of tubes. She had the tube in her throat so she could breathe. A tube in her nose into her stomach to drain out the fluid as they weren't feeding her yet, a catheter and 3 IVs. They then put in another IV into her umbilical line cause she still had the stump they could. They dug the stump out though so we will never know when it would have fallen off. They also inserted a line directly into an artery in her arm so that they could get blood. She was there for 11 days total with us staying at the hospital the whole time. During that time she has 8 EEGs to monitor her brain waves and was on a continuous brainz monitor to watch her brain waves so we could see when she was seizing. She also had 2 MRIs and another lumbar puncture. She got better and better every day and eventually was eating normally and had only her tube down her nose in case they had to feed her that way. She was sneaky though cause during rounds when they were discussing if they should take it out she pulled it out for them. She was good at removing tubes and IVs and had to be tied down to stop her from doing that. They finally decided that they had figured it out and by giving her phenobarb she would be fine. There was still lots of metabolic tests that were still out and they were waiting for those results. They did think she might have something called gluconeogenesis which would mean she couldn't have sugar. It also would mean that she couldn't have fruits or veggies when she got older. They did a skin biopsy for that test and we wouldn't have the result till she was about 8 weeks old so until then she could only have breast milk and the phenobarb had to be pill form crushed for her to take it. At this point she had skin in France, Spinal fluid in the states and DNA in Alberta. We got to take her home on the Friday before Mothers day and we were just so happy to have her finally home.

We had a great week home with her as Tony took another week of holidays to be there with us. Then on the Friday morning she started having another seizure. They told us this could happen if her levels got a bit low so we took her into Langley emerg again. After spending all day there they had us transferred upstairs to a room. We were there all weekend with her having seizures on and off the while time. They had to give her Valium to stop them. The doctor was always talking with the neurologists at Children's to find out what to do. On the Tuesday Tony went back to work. This is when they decided to send us back to children's as they weren't' getting anywhere stopping them at Langley. We got infant transported in an ambulance but this time Lauren didn't have to be in an incubator. We went with lights and sirens though. I now know that people are idiots and no one gets out of the way of ambulances. At one point our driver said that he might have to get out to get mad at someone. I told him I would do it. You don't piss off a mother with a baby that is sick. We got to Children's and we went to the emerg there. They had to do another EEG there cause she started seizing then too. They weren't much help in the emerg and the neurologist finally got there and had us transferred upstairs to a room. It was awful. It was a 3 bed room in the middle of the night where one of the other parents was screaming at her kid to be quiet. We had a tiny area with a chair that we were supposed to stay in. Then at about 3 Lauren started seizing again. This time no one was coming to help us. It wasn't till 7 at shift change that the day nurse came and helped us out and was great. She had to give so many meds cause the neurologist showed up and kept trying to stop it. She went on like that till 11 so it 8 hours of seizing before they decided that we would have to go to the ICU and have her sedated and intubated again. Tony and I held her right up till the took her away in the ICU cause we knew we wouldn't be able to hold her for a while again. We had no idea it would be 3 weeks till we held her. She ended up in the emerg for 3 1/2 weeks with no idea what was going on. Every time they tried to decrease the sedation she would seize for hours till they got it back up again. She was on such high levels of sedation that it would have knocked us out, and yet she would still kick up a fuss when her diaper was changed. She was always such a strong little girl. They even had to paralyse her at one point during a seizure as it had gone on for 11 hours and they needed to stop her muscles form moving. They actually had to do it twice cause the first time it only lasted 3 minutes cause she pushed through it. Finally her last seizure on the 3rd of June the metabolic doctor decided to put her on pyrodoxine and test her urine. They sent the urine to Amsterdam. It came back positive. She had pyrodoxine dependant epilepsy. All that meant was that it wouldn't have matter how many meds they gave her she would always have seizures till she had pyrodoxine which is just vitamin B6. She had been on it in the NICU while she was there as a vitamin but when we went home they didn't' continue it as they didn't think she needed it. Now she is on 6 different seizure meds and she doesn't need them but they can't just stop them as they all have to be weaned off slowly. She is one of 100 people worldwide that have this so it is very rare which is why they didn't' think it was even a possibility. She is also the youngest baby to ever present with it as most are about 7-9 months. It is so easy to treat but so rare that it took them that long to figure it out. We finally got to come down on the sedation and she didn't seize at all. Once it was down they could finally take the tube out of her and let her be normal. Except she was still being fed through a tube in her nose but this time it went into her intestines. They had tried to give her something called poly cos to try and give her more calories but she didn't tolerate it at all and it made her vomit and have diarrhea. At least with the NJ in she didn't vomit any food up. This was good cause one time they tried to extubate her she aspirated and she collapsed both her lungs causing them to reintubate her till they got better. If she had been being fed into her stomach it could have been much worse as she then could have got pneumonia from aspirating food. They finally decided to let us go upstairs to the ward. At first we weren't okay with it cause that meant I had to stay with her 24/7. I would have to get a volunteer or a nurse to be with her if I just wanted to go to the bathroom. At least down in the ICU she was a 1-1 with a nurse so we never had to worry. It was nice to be able to pick her up though even though she was attached to lots of tubes still. When we went up there they put her meds through the NJ tube and blocked it. It was the middle of the night though. That meant that if they put a new one in then we would have to take her downstairs for an Xray to make sure ti was in the right spot. I just asked if they could make it NG which meant it would go to her stomach and that was that much closer to being able to feed her again. They finally decided to feed her into her stomach. They they had been feeding her a continuous feed and I wanted to get to normal feeding so we slowly got them to feed it over shorter and shorter periods till she was getting it all at once like a normal feed. Finally they let me give her a bottle. THey weren't letting me nurse cause they were adding stuff to the milk but at least it was closer to normal. Last Friday they removed her last IV which was a PICC line that went in her arm right to the heart so they didn't have to keep putting in IVs and they took out her NG tube so we had her completely unplugged. We were so happy that they finally let us go last Saturday. We spent a fortune on all her meds but it is worth it. We will slowly get her off most of them but as of right now she has 9 meds total that she has to take. She is doing great and would sleep through the night if we let her. Unfortunately we have to wake her at midnight for meds.
So after 3 MRIs, 15 EEGs, 54 IVs, over 500 heel pokes for blood, 3 Lumbar punctures that was 10 pokes, and being intubated for a total of 4 1/2 weeks all in 8 weeks of her life she is like a normal baby.
This was much shorter than it could have been and doesn't tell everything that we had to go through to get her home and normal. It was scary at some points as they told us she may not make it. It was expensive more than we ever thought it could have been and trying on our stress levels. I hope that no one ever has to go through this again with their own child. The good thing is that we were both strong and I think it brought us closer together through all of this. Tony had to work so he was only seeing her for about 3 hours a day and that was killing him. Then when we were upstairs he would only see both of us for 3 hours. At least I was with her and only missing him. He was missing both of us. But we are home now and like a normal family should be. I probably forgot lots that went on but I tried to keep this as short as I could.

Updates will come

I am sorry I haven't updated. When I do it will be long. I just want to be out of the hospital and at home with my baby girl. She is a month old today and has only been out of hospital for a total of 8 days. I need to bring her home so that we can make that number a lot larger!

Laurens birth story

A lot has happened in the last 2 weeks so I thought I would start with the post about her birth. As I have more time I will update and slowly get back on track.

Wednesday the 22 I was supposed to be induced. I woke up at 4:30 to go to the bathroom and realised I was having contractions. They weren't bad but they were regular. I went back to bed to sleep till 6 when I had to call the hospital about my induction. When I called they told me to have something to eat and come in at 8:30. We were excited to think that we were going to get our baby girl. I went in and they then told me they were super busy and it probably wouldn't be done. They hooked me up to the monitors just to check me though. I was contracting regularly every 5 minutes but they weren't strong so they told em to go home and if they could do the induction they would call me or if the contractions got worse to come in. The rest of the day I went out walking around the block so many times it got boring. We walked and walked and it didn't work. I decided that I had to try and get some sleep as I had to call the hospital again at 6 to find out if I could go in. I actually slept all night really well. I think this really helped for the 4 days afterwards but more about that later. I woke up and the hospital told me to come in at 7:30 this time. Off we went hoping that the 23rd would finally be our day. I was still having regular contractions but I felt fine and they didn't bother me at all. I got hooked up to the monitors and they decided that because I was having regular contractions they couldn't induce with the gel that they normally use first. I was going to have to be hooked up to the oxytocin. I hadn't wanted an IV but I figured if it was going to make the contractions do something then I would go for it. My doctor did want to break my water at that time too but I was only 1cm so she couldn't do it. I was hooked up to the oxy at 10:30. The contractions never got stronger or closer together no matter how much they upped it on me. You can have up to 20 units and I was there but 2:30 and I felt like the contractions were getting less and less. To the point they had me go for a walk to help them and I thought they went away. My doctor came in at 3 and I was only 2cm but she broke my water then. I have to admit I had no idea how much water there was. The entire bed had to be changed and my doctor had to go and change her clothes cause she had it all over her. After the water was broken everything changed then. They didn't turn down my oxy thinking that it would still be needed. Unfortunately all I needed was for my water to be broken cause with the 2 of them together things got really hard really fast. I was having contractions on top of contractions and the nurses were getting worried cause they couldn't turn the oxy down fast enough. You normally get some time to rest in between each contraction even if it is only to catch your breath but I wasn't even having that. It would have been okay they said if I was ready to push but I wasn't there yet. I did dilate very quickly though by 4 I was at 4cm 5 I was 6 then they checked at 6:45 and I was 7 then at 7:30 I was 10cm. I did have to have morphine at about 5:15. I really didn't want it and kept putting it off but the nurses finally said that I really needed to cause they felt it would help slow the oxy down and I would get a rest break as they seemed to be worried it was to close together. I did try the gas first but it didn't do anything but give me a handle to hold on to. The morphine didn't stop the pains or slow the contractions it just made me feel really loopy and supposedly that helped. Tony was great through out it and just gave me ice chips when I needed them and sat there for when I wanted him. The afternoon nurse wasn't so good and didn't really let me move like i wanted too hooked up to the machine but I didn't totally listen. Then she had a nurse come in to relieve her for her break. She decided to check me at about 7:20. It was then she noticed that I was almost ready to push and that my placenta had started to fall forward over the cervix and it was getting in the way. She actually pushed it back up and then I was fine. This could have been really bad. She also got the doctor paged very quickly although she didn't need to as my doctor had been calling and checking on me all day and walked in about 5 minutes later. Then came the best part for me. They let me push. I have to admit after all the labouring the pushing felt so good. I only had to push for 34 minutes. During this time a lot went on that I didn't notice but Tony did and filled me it. First he was supposed to stay at my head as he didn't want to watch at all. He ended up holding my leg and seeing everything. Part way through the pushing I noticed my doctor get some freezing and then without telling me did an episotomy. I didn't want one and she knew that and she doesn't like doing them so I was a bit surprised but not in a position to ask at that point. What I didn't know was that Laurens heart rate was dropping to below mine but quite a bit. Her cord was wrapped over her shoulder and was being compressed. She wasn't face up or face down like most babies are she was sort of sideways. I also didn't know that they were talking emergency c-section at one point because of the problems. The doctor did the episotomy to try and help give more room first. Her heart rate kept dropping and the doctor asked for the c-section room to be ready. Thank goodness for one nurse at the back of the room that said no and to let me push. I was pushing so well it was faster for me to do that then to prep me for the surgery. Sure enough I pushed as hard as I could when she yelled for em to do it and I did it on my own. The put her on my belly but the nurse from the back of the room grabbed her right away. I knew she wasn't breathing yet and that she was blue. She breathed right away once she was on the warming table though. Her apgar was only 4 at first but then jumped to 9 so there was nothing to worry about there. Tony even went and cut the cord. Although he did chicken out a bit and cut it a bit long but that came in handy later. She was perfect. I was up and showed in less than 2 hours. It would have been sooner but I had to wait for all the stitches to be done. Tony forgot the tip given to him about not turning around from the warming table and turned just in time to see the placenta. Not something her wanted to see! I actually said about an hour after birth that I would defiantly do this again as it really wasn't bad at all. The labour part really was only 5 hours as everything before 3 when my water was broken didn't hurt or do anything to me. Lauren Cassidy was born at 8:04pm. 7lbs 8 oz. 21.5inches long, with reddish blond hair. But that's when everything changed. I knew that babies normally have what is called recovery sleep where they sleep for a couple hours after. Not my little girl she didn't sleep at all. The nurses basically ignored us while we were there and didn't even check me for fundus height or my stitches. They only checked Laurens heart rate twice and her temp twice. Both times they were a little off but they never did tell us this. I thought feeding was going okay just not as often as they wanted it to be. When they weighed her before going home she had dropped down 7% from her birht weight but they said anything under 10% is fine. Then the doctor forgot to come and discharge us. My doctor left for holidays right after delivering Lauren so had left instructions for the doctor covering the maternity clinic to come and do it. The nurses had to call the doctor back once I went to the desk and got mad cause we wanted to go home. We finally went home at 2pm on Saturday the 25th. I will continue the story later as once we got home things got worse. We are better now and finally home again hopefully to never be a patient at Childrens again. The nurses were great and all the NICU staff is great but we have spent enough time there now.

No baby

For those of you that read this I was supposed to be induced today although we weren't' really telling anyone so it wasn't announced on facebook.

Unfortunately the hospital is full and booked up so we just have to wait. Because I am only 6 days overdue they aren't rushing to get me in unfortunately although they weren't doing any inducements at all because they are so busy.

So I wait.

Getting closer with mixed emotions

Well I am getting closer to having her here now. I really want to go into labour myself though. As much as it is nice knowing that I will be induced on Wednesday and that I will have her I feel that I am being excluded from doing this on my own. I want to know what it is like to start having some pains and wondering if this is it or not. I really would like to do this on my own and have to wonder if it is real contractions and stuff. I keep talking to her and telling her that I really want her to get things going that I would love to have her Wednesday but that I will take her tomorrow too.
On another note I have decided that I am extremely lucky to have Tony as a husband. He is very good as a husband to a pregnant woman. He is always checking to make sure I am okay. He never comments if I don't want to go out or if I don't get stuff done that he wants done. Little things he says are no big deal. He even called at lunch today just to check. He knows I was having back pain last night and this morning as wanted to make sure I was okay. It unfortunately was from my back injury and not a labour sign. I stretched it out and it okay now. I told him that I was happy to have him cause I know so many men that complain about their pregnant wives. His comment was that he didn't have to complain about his wife cause he didn't have one that was a problem. Probably because he is so good. I know he is going to be a great Father and I can't wait to see him with her. I know she is going to be his little girl that is for sure. I know she will be able to get away with anything from him. Except maybe dating. I have a feeling she is never going to be allowed to do that in his mind. Well I am off to go for another walk. There is another pregnant woman that is walking around the block lately as well. I have no idea how far along she is or anything. I think if I see her today I will ask. I don't think that will be rude since we both keep walking by each other and laughing. Hopefully my next post will be one to tell my birth story and say that she is here. Hopefully on her own.

1 more

I have 1 more day till my due date and 1 more week till my scheduled induction date. I am really hoping that I don't make it to next week. It isn't that I want to rush her it is just that I don't want to be induced. I was hoping my walk with Kortney and my walk with Tony last night would work but no such luck. Nothing at all. I am still having Braxton hicks basically on top of each other but no real contractions. I am hoping that at my appointment on Friday there will be a difference in dilation at least to show that my body is doing something. My doctor normally would see me next Tuesday cause I am going every week but she is getting me in on Friday to check me and then Tuesday again if nothing to plan for the induction. I think I am more nervous for that then for labour itself.

We are all ready for her to be here though. The car seat is in the car. The bag is all packed and ready to go. The room is all done now and just waiting to put a baby in it. I am sure I have forgot to pack something for the hospital but I don't plan on being there long enough to matter and the store is really close that Tony could go and get something if needed.

We had a nice long weekend that we didn't really do much. We had stuff planned for everyday but nothing big. We had dinner at Tony's parents and it was nice to just relax and have a good dinner. Monday I got to go to the shooting range for probably the last time for a while. It was nice cause no one was there so I could stay and watch Tony and stuff. If other people are there they usually shoot big stuff and I go and walk out back or sit in the car cause I am not risking her hearing now. I got to shoot my handgun quite a bit and didn't notice how much ammo I was using till Tony started to laugh. I can't load my own right now cause the bullets are lead tipped and he doesn't want me handling them so he kept loading the magazine and I kept shooting away. I was doing really good though and the target was basically all my shots. I was very proud of it. I know I won't be going as much after she is born so I guess I had to get it out of my system. It is now and I am okay with not going for quite a while. The guys can all go and let me have my own time with my daughter.

Hopefully my next post will be to tell my birth story but who knows. I think it is funny that I keep wanting the contractions to hurt cause I know once they do I won't want them to anymore.

Excitement,happiness and a little sad.

Well I definitely have a mix of emotions right now. I am 39 weeks today so only a week to go for my due date. I am excited to meet my little one that is for sure but I am not really in a rush. It would be nice if she came right on time though. I will miss being pregnant I know that already, I quite enjoy this feeling of pregnancy.
I have had a busy but nice week. Monday I went to visit a good friend and it was nice to have a visit before we both have our babies. I know i will learn a lot from her. Then I worked Monday night shift. For the first time I didn't really mind being there. It went by fast I was happy to be leaving. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my job but I was ready for a break. I don't go back till May of 2010. Then Tuesday I didn't really get any sleep only an hour and a half which wasn't' really enough. I had my doctors appointment which isn't really a big deal at this point. Then I went and got waxed. I made sure my legs, underarms and eyebrows were all done so I don't have to worry about them for a while now. Then we went out to the shooting range. I won't be able to go much once she is born so I figure I will get my time in now. We were the only ones there which was nice cause we just shot the small stuff so I could be there the whole time. When people shoot the larger stuff I have to leave so the sound isn't bad for the baby. Yesterday I had to take the car into Chevy for the servicing, now that is done we can out the car seat in the car. Tony had planned to do it sooner but when we noticed the car was due he didn't want it in there with others going in there too. He was worried they would touch it or something. I then got my nails done and a pedicure. They gave me a great foot and leg massage it was wonderful. I didn't know how bad I needed that. Then the best part of my week. We went out for dinner just the 2 of us. We tend to not go out for dinner when it is just the 2 of us. This was my Valentines dinner that we were supposed to do but ran out of time. We went to the Olive Garden which I love. It was so nice to just have a great dinner just the 2 of us. We talked about everything and yet not much about the baby. I think because we talk about her so much. It was then that I got a bit sad. It will never be just the 2 of us any more. For 12 years it has been "us' Now "us" will be 3 not 2. I am so happy to be having a baby finally and adding to our family but it will be different. I know it will be better but 12 years of 2 has been great, and many many years of 3 will be wonderful I am sure.

Almost ready but not wanting to be!

Well we are basically ready for her to arrive I think. The bag is basically packed except for the cameras and that can be right before we leave. They are stored by the door so we won't miss them. Also the cell phones and chargers aren't there cause we are still using them but again they are by the door where the keys are.

The room is almost done except for the closet needs one more coat of paint on the shelves but that doesn't really matter. The rest of the room is done and the crib has the sheets and everything on it. Almost all her clothes are washed except for the stuff the the 2 grandmas bought on the weekend.

I am not wanting to be ready yet though. I am in no rush to have her at all. I can't wait for mat leave to start but I love being pregnant. I feel that now that everything is basically ready that she should be coming and i am in no rush. After the 6th of April I am off work though and I will just sit and wait. I don't think it will be a problem though. I can sleep in and relax during that time. I can catch up on my shows that I will just get behind on when she gets here. Don't get me wrong I want to meet her and everything but I am in no rush to be not pregnant anymore. I love this feeling and know that it will be while before I get to do it again. I want 2 kids but I have a feeling that we will wait 2 years and then who knows how long it will be till I get pregnant again. I almost wish that I could be pregnant longer. I keep thinking that she will be late but the doctor thinks she might be a bit early from her position already. I don't know, she will get here when she is ready I guess. Until then I will just enjoy every minute of it.

The count down

I have started counting down what i have left to work. I am excited to be going on mat leave. The sad thing is that I am not really excited about the fact that I will get to meet my daughter soon after that it is the fact that I will be off work for just over a year and I am excited about that. It has been so busy and crazy at work lately that I am just ready for the time off.

I am excited about meeting my daughter though but it has nothing to do with my mat leave. I keep wondering what she will be like. We finally have a name for her as well although we are not sharing it with anyone till she is here. The first ones to know will be our parents when Tony calls from the hospital to say she has been born and tell the name and all the other details that the Moms will want to know.

I have been thinking how amazing it is going to be to see my daughter in my arms and what it will feel like. Then I started thinking that it is probably more amazing for my mom than for me. I know that sounds weird though. But I will be sitting there looking at my daughter and loving her. My mom will walk in and see her daughter holding her child. I think that must be an even more important feeling. I can't imagine what that will be like to see my baby holding her own baby. I will know what she has gone through and the feelings she will feel. I think that grandparents really have the best deal in the world. Yes they has to go through having there own kids but having grandchildren has to be the best reward for that.

Moving along

Well so far this pregnancy has been moving along as it is supposed to. Only a few little things like measuring behind but that's it. Now i just have to wait and see if I gain enough weight at my next appointment. I have to gain 5lbs and I have till next Tuesday to do it. I think I might be almost there but I will have to make sure that I am close by then. I don't want to be off work quite yet. I have my holidays already in and my last day of work scheduled for the 6th of April. I want as much time with my daughter as I can once she is born.

I can't believe I only have about 6 weeks left. I figure I will be late but Tony is hoping for a bit early so we can have an Easter baby. He wants to put her in an Easter basket and take pictures. I do think that will be cute though.

I am slowly getting a bigger belly and love having it. I love feeling her move around inside too. She has turned from being sideways to up and down again although I have no idea if she is the right way or not and she does sometimes go back to sideways. I have to say though I like it when she is sideways cause I can feel her movements more. With my placenta the way it is I can feel movement now that she is bigger but not as much as i can on the sides. I have to admit though sometimes I wonder what the heck she is doing in there.

I can't wait to be a mommy to a baby I can hold. Today has been weird for me cause today would have been my due date a year ago. I could be planning a first birthday instead of getting ready for the birth of my daughter. Although that would mean that my mat leave would be almost over and I have to admit I am looking forward to a year off. I can't wait to meet my little girl. We have spent a lot of time lately talking about what she might look like. We wonder what color her hair will be and how big she will be. Will she be completely pale like both of us or will she have a bit of color like her paternal grandfather. I can't wait to meet her and get the answers.

Good update about a perfect daughter.

Today I had my doctors appointment. I knew my results from my ultrasound yesterday already though. Because I was measuring so far behind she sent me for an extra ultrasound. I thought I wasn't worried but as I got closer to the clinic I realised I was worried. I think part of it was that Tony wasn't there. The last time I got bad news he couldn't go either so I had to drive myself home and I still don't know how i did it. At the ultrasound though the tech would have let Tony come in right away and not sit outside till she went to get him. To bad that wasn't like that at my last one that he was there. She did all the measurements and then tried to get some good pictures for me. I was in there for 45minutes and still didn't get any pictures. Baby is facing my back in a transverse direction so she couldn't' get a profile or a face pic. Then she said that she was going to measure the heart rate well then my daughter decided to flip. She turned face up and I thought we could get some good pictures. I was wrong. Apparently she doesn't like anyone knowing how fast her heart is beating. I know she always kicks the doppler when the doctor tries to check but this time was so funny to watch. She went crazy with the wand on my stomach, so much that we couldn't have got a picture cause we couldn't' get the wand to stay down long enough. As soon as the tech stopped trying she flipped right back over so we couldn't see her. I felt so bad that Tony wasn't there and then we didn't get any pictures. Although they did say that past 30 weeks it is hard to get a good picture. I went in at 32w4d and she was measuring at 32w2d and already weighs about 4lbs9oz. So she really is perfect. You always want your kids to be perfect and she is just that.
Then I went to the doctor. I haven't gained enough weight. If you figure out how much she weighs and the placenta and everything else I am in the negatives. That means that I need to gain more weight. My doc feels that it is my nights shifts that are doing it. I don't think so at all though. I know that my day shifts are worse for me cause I don't sleep well and I am busier which causes my back injury to get worse. Nights i am always rested and feel so much better after. Well she told me that if at my appointment in 2 weeks I hadn't gained 5lbs she would take me off work. I had to laugh. I have heard people leaving for high blood pressure or too much pain or actual problems. I could have to leave work early because I haven't gained enough weight. It just sounds so funny to me. So I will try and gain the weight needed. I only have 14 more shifts left so I would like to finish them out at least.

Movement

I have to say feeling her move around has to be the best feeling in the world. She definitely has her awake and sleep times too. I know that if I am woken up to her moving and playing that it has to be 4am. I don't mind though I just lay there and feel her move and wonder what the heck she is doing sometimes.
Yesterday morning just before I got out of bed I felt her way down low right by my hip bone and it felt like she was scratching to get out. Then she continued the scratching but in went all the way up my side and around the top and down the other side. I know that i have been reading that they are losing room to move but she was able to move in a complete circle. It was like she was testing the outside of the uterus to see if she could get out anywhere. I was laughing cause at a moment like that I would love to be able to see inside and see what she is doing. I think I am going to miss being pregnant and feeling her move around. It is such a great feeling and I wish I could share it with Tony. Every time he puts his hand there to feel her she stops. She could be moving like crazy or having hiccups but his hand appears and she stops all movement completely.

Now i just have to wait till Monday for my ultrasound. I have a feeling though that she isn't that small cause I have felt her stretch out and I know that she can get to both side of my body when she stretches so I am not all that worried. I just hope she has some fat on her. I felt her butt the other day and it was so bony. I just hope she doesn't inherit the 'Hartley" bum which all of us women on my moms side have and it is basically NO bum. Just a flat area.

I can't wait the room is getting so close. Tony will have the dressers together this weekend and the crib all set up. It will look so cute i will have to take lots of pictures.

30 weeks down 10 to go

I know it may be a bit more than 10 weeks to go but it sounds better that way. I can't believe that these 30 weeks have gone by so fast for me. I have to admit though I am not in a rush to get the next 10 done. I really enjoy being pregnant and will definitely do this again. Hopefully the second time around will be just as easy.
I had a bit of a worry at my last appointment though. At 26 weeks I was measuring at just over 24 which my Doctor said is normal. This appointment at just 2 day short of 30 weeks I was only 25. This would make me about 5 weeks behind although with the +or - difference it is only about 3 weeks. I was a bit worried but she told me not to be. She is still moving around lots and her heartbeat is nice and strong at about 136 which is a bit higher than she has been but that isn't a problem. I do get to go for another ultrasound at the end of the month though just to check. I know that she was laying completely sideways though and stretching when she measured cause we could see her. I could actually tell her hand and her feet she was stretching so hard. I am sure that was the only reason I was measuring different. I don't want a huge baby but I would like one around 7lbs so i don't want her to be too small. I have been given permission form my doctor to be a couch potato and eat lots of ice cream and cookies though to put on more weight. She isn't worried with my weight gain or lack there of basically but she said I have full permission to gain more. Even if I were to gain the pound a week that is normal now I would only be at a total gain of 14 pounds from my prepregnancy weight.
At the end of this month I also get to do my labour and delivery class. I can't go to the weekly classes because of both of us working shift work but I do get to go to a one night one at the hospital so that should be interesting and informative. I have to admit I am not scared for the labour part cause I have never been through it and I can't be scared of something that I don't know what it will be like.
We have almost everything we need now for the baby we just need to get the dressers and the crib although we know what we want I just have to wait for the room to be ready to get it. By the end of next week though it should all be done and set up and ready.

I am really looking forward to this summer. It better be a nice one after the winter that we have had with all the snow. I am looking forward to going up to the lake and being able to relax. It won't be the same though cause my uncle won't be there but it is still the lake. I will have a newborn but that is fine I am sure she is going to like the fresh air and I know that we always sleep better in the fresh air.

I will post some more pictures to my facebook later today. I got an idea for one that I haven't done yet and will do that one too.

3rd Trimester

I am so glad it is here. I can't believe it. Still feeling good so far which is nice. I will hold onto it for as long as I can. The only problem I am having is back pain. It isn't related to pregnancy though. I hurt my back at work and I have awful pain between my shoulder blades. Luckily it is covered by WCB or whatever they are now. I can go and see my chiropractor and it makes such a difference. Although I have 2 days shifts coming up so I will see how I do with those. I have had mostly nights and I love them but days can be a bit more straining on the back.

I have a few pictures of me from 28 weeks. I am loving the little belly. I keep wanting more but I know that this is normal in my family. My mom really didn't show much and my cousin that had a baby last year was the same. She even had a baby well over 9lbs so I know that I am normal for my family.

Now I am ready to get started on her room. We have the paint so Tony is going to get started on that this weekend while I am at work. Then we can buy the crib and dressers. We have picked out the dressers for her we just wanted to paint the room first. Everything furniture wise will be white I think. The room isn't that big so that will help to make it look bigger. We also did our tour at the hospital which was fine. I know the hospital well so it was mostly for him to learn where the ice packs were and where the ice machine is. I hope that it will all go smoothly once we have to go in. I also booked our Labour and Delivery class. I will only be 33 weeks then and they say between 32 and 36 so hopefully I won't be the only one doing it at the beginning of the time. The only thing we really have left that i want to get done soon is the name. We have now come up with a few to narrow it down but still having problems deciding on which on and a middle name. We won't be sharing the name though. We already shared it is a girl and everyone will have to wait for the name once she is here. I know I have 3 months but I am still wanting it all done. I don't want to rush her here though. I want her to grow for a while yet so that she is just fine when she gets here. I am loving being pregnant and feeling the little kicks and rolls so I will keep her this way for a while yet.

I am finding it very cute the little things that Tony comes up with that shows how much he really is excited about this little one. I was saying that it will be nice to have some bonding time just the 2 of us at the hospital when there isn't visitors there. He immediately got defensive and said it will be 3 of us that he wants bonding time too. I laughed cause I wasn't leaving him out, I meant that the 2 of us will be able to bond with her. He also is being so picky about her name cause he wants it to be perfect. The furniture we are getting for her is so much nicer than ours. We are getting new bedroom furniture now as well and he said that her has to be better than ours cause it is more important. I try not to say anything when he makes little comments because I know that would bug him but it just makes me love him more. I have a funny feeling that there will be lots of daddy-baby bonding time and I will just have to be in the background. If he has any say it will definitely be a daddy's girl.