21 weeks today

Well last time I was pregnant I wrote a lot more than this. This time though things are different. This isn't an easy post to write and I ask that those that read it don't put anything on my wall of facebook. It isn't that I am hiding it I just don't want it out there all the time.
I had a CVS done just before 12 weeks to find out if this baby had the metabolic disorder that Lauren does. The results were unaffected so we were happy about that. They also did the quad screen on me since they already had the stuff to test if there was a problem. 2 weeks after the CVS I started to bleed. Not just spotting but bleeding enough to change a pad every hour day and night. Everyone kept saying it was okay and I got sent for ultrasounds to check. Baby always looked good and I was told it was a spot on the uterus not the placenta, cervix or baby so it was fine it would just be annoying. Then the morning of my 19 week ultrasound I got a call from the geneticist and was told that I had tested positive for a neural tube defect. All my other results were really good numbers but that one was 1 in 20. I was told to go for the ultrasound and it will give the results. At the ultrasound it was found that it was a false positive as there was no neural tube defect at all. That is when I found out that heavy bleeding can cause a false positive. But the ultrasound wasn't that great. It found that I had very low fluid. I thought "okay that can be treated we can deal with that" I was sent for a follow up ultrasound with detail at women's and children's hospital. On Christmas Eve the geneticist called to tell us that all the chromosomes from the testing came back as normal and that we were having a BOY. Yesterday we had our detailed ultrasound. The ultrasound took over and hour and was nice in that they let Tony in right away and we got to watch on a big TV the whole time. We did see that there was very little fluid but that was all we could tell. The tech then said that we would be sent upstairs to get the results from the geneticist and be told our options. I knew then that it couldn't be good. We were told that not only was it low fluid but his head and heart were normal but his waist down was measuring small. We were then referred to a perinatologist which is a very high risk OB basically. We met with him in the afternoon. Of course we were expecting this to be a quick trip and Tony would go to work after but that never happened. We were told that the bleeding was from my placenta and it was a huge bleed. They didn't' know if it would heal itself but probably not since it has been going on for 6 weeks. This meant that the baby was only getting nutrients from about 70% of the placenta and that the way it works is that the body takes the nutrients it needs and puts it in important places like head and heart. The rest of him is shutting down. The low fluid is because his kidneys have shut down and isn't producing the fluid. We were then given all our options. The first being to terminate which we just can't do at this point. Then the other is to wait 2 weeks and get another ultrasound and see if he has grown at all. I have been told that I will not be having a natural birth and he will be born by csection and that I will not make it to term. They are just hoping he grows enough to make it to 28 weeks. At this point I could go into labour at any point as the blood can aggravate the uterus and cause an infection. They will be checking him for growth every 2 weeks and as long as he has grown he gets to stay in me. If he stops then they have to take him then as he will be able to grow outside the womb better but he may not do better in other things. As long as he can make it to 30 weeks he has a very very good chance of survival. This means that we will again be spending lots of time in the NICU just having Lauren means that we won't get to spend as much time as we would like. Because of how dire this is to them at the hospital we were given only a 60% chance of bringing home a baby. He could be stillborn, die in the nursery if he is too early or just be too preterm that he can't survive. So we came up with a name last night because I had to have my son have a name. We won't be sharing it till he comes though. I am not on bed rest as they have found that it doesn't help and can cause blood clots. I am allowed to work but I can go off if I want to. I haven't decided yet. I can use my 15 weeks sick time as I know he will be here by then. I am supposed to take it easy although with Lauren it is hard. She is going through a stage where she has bad tantrums and hits kicks and punches so it is really hard for me to stay safe around her and keep her safe as well. I can't do anything to help my little boy and I think that is the worst. They should have lied and told me to eat something at least then I would feel like I was doing something. The only thing we have right now is to pray and beg that he will grow to at least 28 weeks. I really want to bring my little boy home safe and sound.

Been a while again

Well for some reason I find I just haven't had enough hours in a day to blog. I was going to while I was on night shift but even those shifts were extra busy.
This summer I joked with family asking who was having the spring baby this year. My cousin had Jake in May '08 and then Lauren was born April '09. Another cousin had Carter in May of '10 so I figured we needed another one this year. I knew it wouldn't be my brother and his wife cause they aren't trying for another couple of years. I do have a couple of cousins that could have the spring baby though. But as it turns out I was very surprised to find out it was me. We had no idea how long it would take to have another baby as it took 2 years to get Lauren. I guess second kids are much easier as it only took once. I am now due May 12Th. So now I am waiting till Christmas when we can find out if it is a boy or girl. If we go by the fact that it was all boys born in May and girls in April then it would be a boy. Or I could go on that boys were born in even years and girls in odd years it could be a girl. We really don't care at all we just want to know.
I also had to have a CVS with this pregnancy. It was something that I always said I would never do but I didn't have the option. I was put on B6 right away and had to wait for the results of the CVS to find out if this baby was affected by the same disorder as Lauren. If it was affected then I would be put on even higher doses of B6 to help the baby. They couldn't just put me on it though as it was actually unsafe amounts for me although I was willing to risk it for the baby. We got the results of the CVS on Thursday which worked out perfectly as we told our families this weekend. We had a 25% chance of having the baby affected, 50% chance of a carrier like Tony and I both are and then a 25% chance of being unaffected. This baby is unaffected. So that means that we ended up getting the 25% chance both times instead of the 50% we expected.
The nice part was telling our families and having then totally surprised. None of them had any idea that we were pregnant this time around so it was nice to surprise them. We are excited and nervous all at the same time. I have been feeling normal except for this complete exhaustion although having Lauren waking at 4:30 really doesn't help at all.
We aren't really putting it on facebook quite yet but my cousins seem to be writing on my wall but I would prefer to keep it off for at least a few more days.

I need sleep

For those that know me they know that I love sleep. When I was pregnant with Lauren I was exhausted all the time although I got lots of sleep. This is worse. I never thought I could be more exhausted. The worst part is I am sick of people telling me that they all went through it when their kids were young. Then they say that their kids slept 12 hours at night. Well then it is your own fault that you didn't get that much sleep. If mine slept that long I would not be this tired. Lauren sleeps 8 hours or less at night. Usually less. That means that after I put her to bed I still have to make lunches for the next day and make her formula. I can't do that till after she is in bed as it is only good for 24 hours. She is up at 4am everyday which is just too early. I can't even let her play and me nap on the floor as she won't just play on her own. She wants to play with me. Or she just screams and screams because she is actually tired but won't sleep. If she naps it is only for an hour which I like to try and get in a shower or get other stuff done around here that I can't do if she is awake. I have talked to many people, Doctors say there is nothing wrong. The sleep consultant told me that she should just have one nap a day for 2 hours to make her sleep better. I think she missed the part that she is only sleeping an hour or less for a nap. You just can't force a person to sleep. I can just hope that she is getting the last of her 2 year molars and once they are done we are done with teeth till she is about 5 or6. I can hope anyway. Her teeth have never kept her from sleeping before though. I just want to sleep. I am sick of people telling me it is normal. Yeah well everyone who said that didn't get up at 4, deal with a screaming baby till I leave for work at 7, work 12 hours where I need to be alert, Drive to white rock and pick her up from my parents. Get home at 9 put her to bed, Do dishes, make lunches for the next day, make formula, have a shower, get my stuff ready for work the next day and then get to bed about 11 and do it all over again. For those that do how do you do it. For those that don't quit telling me it is normal, How would you know you never had to do it.

Testing results!

We got the results back from Laurens developmental testing and I feel much better than I did last time. They don't have a list of what skills are to be done when because it is a bit more than that. Some of it depends on how long it takes them to do what they want. Some it is how they do it and some it is how it is asked and understood.

I know that she didn't get some of the stuff that they wanted but they were things that I had not taught her to do and won't be doing it for a while. One whole section is about trying to get Lauren to open a small pill bottle and then taking a bead and putting it in the bottle and taking it out of the bottle. Another was giving her pennies and having her put it in a piggy bank. She didn't do these and the tester had to stop her as she kept trying to put the stuff in her mouth. I don't let her play with small beads or pennies and I will not give her a pill bottle and teach her how to open it. I will give her a larger bottle for her to learn to open now but defiantly not a pill bottle. It was even a medicine bottle and to me it is wrong to try and teach that to a small child.

She was tested 6 months ago at 10 months old. Now at 16 months she has improved. First for cognitive skills ( I still have a problem with this term as to me it means how smart she is) tests how she is able to to certain things. Some like the pill bottle and piggy bank she wasn't' able to do and a few things because she isn't walking yet she wasn't' able to do so to me it is a bit unfair. How can she be considered not able to do it when she can't do it due to being behind in another area. Anyway she was calculate to be in the 9th percentile and at a 12 month age. She did go up by 5 months though so to me gaining 5 months was great. For her motor skills she did good too. Her Fine motor skills she went up 5 months as well and is now considered 13 months. She is in the 1st percentile though because her gross motor skills only went up 2 months and she is at 8 months for that but that is where I felt she was. She is improving hugely now though so in 6 months when she does this test it could be a large jump. Something tells me that she will be close to being on track by age 2. It was her language that blew me away though. When she was tested at 10 months she was in the 50Th percentile and was at 10 months. Now though it is great. For receptive she went up 9 months and is at a 19 month old and her Expressive is at 21 months. She is in the 92Nd percentile. I knew that she had words but I was blown away. Part of the report stated that they even heard her have spontaneous 2 work utterances. I was confused as I didn't think I had ever heard that. Tony had to point out that "good girl", Uh oh, and "got it" are all 2 words together. I guess I just thought it was one work or some reason. Oddly I didn't' use any of those words to count her words she has.

Needless to say I am very happy with how she tested and can't wait to see how she does in 6 months when she goes back. I think that she may be close to walking by then.

Developmental testing day

Lauren went for her testing today. She gets it done every 6 months and today was it. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. This would be the first time that I would have to drive her in to Children's as Tony was working afternoon shift. He ended up being able to come but had to take his own vehicle so that he could go straight to work. These appointments always happen when it is nap time or she is fussy from fasting before blood work that is done at the same time. I didn't really want to drive in myself cause I hate traffic and I hate it even more with a screaming upset kid in the back seat. Lauren is still rear facing so I can't really entertain her either while I drive. As it turned out she fell asleep about 2 minutes from our house and slept till about 5 minutes away and didn't get upset when she woke up at all. First we went to the developmental test. They have all sorts of toys they give her to see what she can do with them. There is a certain thing they want her to do. Every area has a section and once she misses 5 things that they want her to do in a row they move on to the next section. There was only a few problems. One Lauren is really social and she can't understand why she is supposed to play with certain things on her own when there was 4 other people in there with her. She wanted them to play with the toys too so she kept giving them to us. One area was a book that she had to point to pictures in to show that she knew what certain items were. She wanted to use the testers finger to point to it though instead of her own. She also would drive the tester nuts cause she would miss 4 in a row then go on to do 3 more then miss 4 more. For example she wouldn't take a car and push it on the table. Apparently this is a 12 month skill. She has never pushed any of her toys on wheel around. She knows how just chooses to pick them up and move them. But she has no problems pointing to body parts. 4 parts is a 15 month skill, Lauren knows 14. So I haven't got the official results of these parts and I won't for a few weeks but she didn't know how she was going to score it as there is so many 12 -13 months skills she just won't do but she will do ones that were way ahead. It isn't that she can't do the skills she just won't. When it came to language she was way ahead of her age group. They put on the table a bear, book, baby, ball, cup and spoon. She was just supposed to pick up the item they named. She would pick it up but also say the name of what they wanted too. The only one she didn't say was spoon. The tester told me that she was really ahead for 18 months. I told that was good but she is only 16 months on Monday. She had been testing her as an 18 months old. This changed everything. She had to go back and check some more things on the test. It did show that she is really improving though as she was now quite a head on a few things. We know that she is still behind on some cognitive stuff but most of it is because she won't do something not because she can't. She then tested her on her gross motor skills. This one we know she is about 7 months behind on. She can sit and get her self to sitting. She is also pulling herself up to her knees now. She performed great today though and was doing her army crawling and was getting her knees up so I am sure that she will be on all fours by the end of the month now.

All in all I know she is doing great with her development and she will catch up. It is just hard to watch sometimes. She has the mental capacity to know what she wants to do just not the strength to do it. Last night she was trying to stand up at the couch and get the papers on it. She could get to her knees and she was shaking trying to use all her strength to get to her feet. She was almost there and just gave out and fell backwards. I thought she was going to cry in pain but instead she rolled onto her tummy and put her head down and cried. Not crying in pain but she was sad. I didn't know that kids at that age had emotions. It was just heartbreaking. I picked her up and just held her and cried with her. I can't help her with it and it is just her strength she needs to build up. She is doing it fast but I just wish there was more I could do.

After the testing we had to go and get her blood work done and that was great. Getting it done out there is so different. They get the vein on the first try and they are quick. We are in and out in less than 3 minutes. It is so easy on Lauren and that is much better for her. We then met with the metabolics Dr and we were done. There wasn't much to do with her at all. We just signed consent forms to allow Laurens EEG videos to be shown at a conference in Istanbul as she is actually a huge medical breakthrough. A disorder that had only 100 people world wide now has almost that many diagnosed since Lauren. It has also saved quite a few babies that presented the same way Lauren did. Before there wasn't a way to save the child and they would end up dying and being written off as SIDS. I keep thinking back to the night I went into her room and got her to eat. If I hadn't gone to get her and waited for her to cry for me I would still be waiting. She would have died in her crib all alone as her blood sugar dropped too low. I am still not sure what made me go in and get her and then rush her to emerg but I am so thankful that I did. I am also thankful that so many parents don't have to go through what we did now that my wonderful daughter pulled through and is proving all the doctors wrong.

As it turned out she then slept the whole way home for me too, she was great all day and I was dreading it for nothing. I am really enjoying my time with her lately as she learns new stuff every day and she is just so cute!

A little update on Lauren

Well I have many people ask for an update so I thought I would do it in a post for everyone.

Lauren gets regular appointments at Children's to see her neurologist and her metabolic specialist. She goes every 2-3 months. Then on top of that she goes for blood and urine tests monthly. These are always such a pain for me and the day is pretty much written off. She has to be fasting for these so I find that I want to go first thing in the morning when she wakes up it is best. I go in to get her and put the urine collection bag on her. This would be so much easier if she was a boy, so as not to be so graphic, boys can aim into the bag. Girls you have to make sure it would cover the whole area that urine would be coming from if leaking slowly. The bag sticks well but if the area is slightly wet it doesn't. We then get in the car with her getting fussy as she is hungry and wondering where her formula is. I have been able to make appointments lately but they are starting to tell me that they won't take them any more as she is getting older. That would mean once we are there that we have to wait up to 2 hours with her screaming cause she is hungry. The tests have to be done after fasting at least 4 hours and has to be done before noon so it only will work first thing. They almost never get the blood in the first try and have to poke her at least 3 times. Once they finally get it then I can feed her and hopefully get the urine sample if I put the bag on right. We are normally there from about 7-10 by the time they get us in and figured out what needs to be done and get the blood. Imagine what is going to happen if we don't have an appointment. I could take her directly to children's for this instead of a local lab but driving to downtown with her crying wouldn't be so great either. She is then fussy and cranky all day after and won't nap or anything.
Every 6 months she will get developmental tested as well as a spinal tap. These we aren't looking forward to at all. I know the risks and don't want her to have to go through the awful tests.
She is on her special low lysine diet and it seems to be working for her. We have figured out foods she can have and have ordered some special stuff for her. The dietitian keeps raising her level that she can have based on what her blood and urine is saying so we are way higher than we had been. I have no idea if the diet is actually doing anything for her though. It is supposed to be helping her to not be behind developmentally. There is only 4 kids world wide on this diet though. They all have a different form of the metabolic disorder and all were diagnosed after they showed signs at 10 months and older. All of these kids had learned to do things and then lost them after hospitalisation but Lauren was different she hadn't learned anything yet so didn't really lose the ability to do them. The only things that she is behind on is her gross motor skills and that is just strength in her muscles. Anyone would lose all muscle strength after not being able to move any body parts for 2 months. She is completely on track mentally she is just behind but catching up on moving. She can sit on her own and get to sitting on her own. She actually uses this to get around but sitting up and then spinning around and laying down then sitting again. She does the army crawl but doesn't go to far yet or too fast unless it is something she isn't allowed to be playing with. She is doing everything in the right order and really on track just a few months behind. I know she will catch up. She is even ahead on some things like her social skills and knowing all her body parts. She will point to them when you ask her. She knows toes knees, elbows, fingers, eyes, nose, mouth, teeth and tongue, hair and ears so she is actually ahead as doing all of these is about 20 months skills. She can drink out of a cup without the sippy top but she then figures that she can blow bubbles in it so I think it is safer for now to let her have the sippy top. She will use a spoon for pudding but not very well and prefers to use her fingers. She has the pincher grasp down perfectly but tends to just shove the pasta in when she gets that as she can get much more in at a time. She can say a few words that others understand and is trying to say so many more. She is always copying us even if it doesn't quite come out right. She can tell you what a duck and a cow say and will copy you if you say Baa for a sheep and oink for a pig but won't say those on her own. She sleeps through the night although she goes to bed at about 9 and gets up about 6 and it would be nice if it was just a little later. She loves swimming and the pool and loves putting her face under water. She tries to help dress herself and will put her own arms in the shirt for me as long as I put it over her head. She has finally figured out that sitting in the bathtub is much better and she can splash a lot better too. She is getting stronger and stronger everyday. Her attitude is getting stronger too which can be a bad thing but I think in the long run it will be good for her.

This was meant to be a short post but it ended up longer than I thought. I hope this answers any questions though but feel free to ask if you have any more.

Way to long

It has been way to long since I have posted. I just don't know where the time has gone. We have moved into the new house and it is still a very unorganised mess. We also took 2 weeks of holidays to go up to the lake and just enjoy. The weather was nice and hot except for the weekend that we came home. We went swimming almost everyday and Lauren loved it. She would start out in her life jacket floating around then we would take it off so we could dunk her under the water and get her used to putting her face in. I think she preferred to have it off. We had her in some floating toys and she would try and jump out face first. We sat her on the edge of the dock and had her jump in to us and then just jump into the water herself. She loved it and never wanted to get out of the water. The more she could get under the water the better. We also took her tubing with us. She wasn't too sure of it but I think that was because of the life jacket. It seems that they never fit right when a kid is sitting.



The house is getting there but is taking longer than we wanted. This week we have the alarm place coming to set it up then next week we have the concrete slab people coming to lift the basement. This will take us a while to get ready for. We have to lift all the carpet and the lino downstairs and get all the stuff in those areas out. After it is all done and we have more carpet and lino put in then we can organise better as we can put stuff in those rooms.



As for Lauren, she is doing good. She can now sit up all by herself either from the crawling position or from her side. She doesn't crawl exactly but does army crawl for stuff and moves very fast if she is motivated. She is defiantly improving everyday. Her speech is getting better. We don't always understand the words but she is definitely trying to copy everything we say. Also her signing is getting great. She tells us more or all done for everything that she does or wants. Now we are just working on stopping the whining. That is the one thing that drives me mad. She is learning though.



I will try and write more often. I get lots of great ideas in the middle of the night while I am in bed but by the time I go to write them I forget what I wanted to do.

New house

Well we are in our new house. Everything that was in storage is at the house and now it is just unpacking and figuring out where to put everything. This is the part I am not looking forward too. The few days that we moved weren't' so much fun either but this is hard. I think I have reorganised the kitchen 4 times already trying to figure out where to put everything. I think I have it and then I find another box with more stuff and I have to redo it. I still have clothes all over the floor of the bedroom figuring out the dressers. At least it is all clean and folded just not put anywhere. It is hard with Lauren as she is still trying to figure out what we aer doing in this house and doesn't want to be left in a different room and doesn't even really want to be put down at all. She is getting better. At least so far this hasn't totally messed up her sleeping. She has been having good naps and sleeping well. She even slept in one day till 8:30. Both Tony and I were up expecting her to be up any moment. We got some stuff done around the house though so that was good. This morning though she was up at 5 and we are not sure why. I didn't look in her mouth but I think the top 2 canines were either in or right there and that could be it. She was fussy with Tony till she had a nap and then she was fine at least.

The new house is great and i can't wait for it to be organised. I can't post pictures yet because I can't find the cord to connect the camera to the computer yet. I am also waiting for our realtor to email me the listing for the house so I can put up old and new house pictures to compare. I do have a great realtor and notary that I would recommend to anyone. We are going back to the notary at the end of the month to do our will as we figure it would probably be a good time now that we have Lauren.

14 months

I have a hard time thinking that Lauren is 14 months tomorrow. Where has the time gone. she is getting stronger and stronger every day and learning so much. She can now sit on her own and if she has pillows close by sits herself up using them. Last night she started pushing herself backwards from a crawling position till she is sitting. She can't crawl yet but she has started pulling herself forward almost in an army crawl. She says Momma, Poppa (although we keep saying dad she says poppa) Hi, bye, duck, dog and quack. She also occasionally says "what" when I call her name. She sleeps great and goes to bed about 8:30 and wakes up between 6:30-7. I wish she would sleep a bit longer but at least it is all night. She eats like a little pig these last few nights so she must be growing. She gets 800mls of her formula now and takes it in a sippy cup. No bottles except for if we are out and then it is the Nuby cup with the sippy top not a bottle top. It is just easier to take the formula with us so that it doesn't spill. She gets some when she wakes up in the morning then after her nap and before bed. Other than that she drinks water or some juice from a cup with a straw or a sippy. We weren't' going to give her juice yet but her dietitian said that she needs the calories because of her diet so we do now. She can drink just fine from a regular cup as well but it is just a bit messy and she can have the sippy where she wants it. She is also learning to use a spoon and fork but usually still ends up using her fingers cause she can get more in that way. It is hard without having protein to get enough to fill her up. I am excited that the summer is here and all the fresh fruit that she loves. We are going to Krause Berry farms tomorrow to get some strawberries for her. She has her nerve testing Thursday and I am a bit nervous because they have to sedate her for it but I know she will do just fine.

On a side note we move next Wednesday. We have 24 hours to do the move so it should be interesting that is for sure. Tony's parents both insist on helping and i am not looking forward to that. I like to set up my house my own way thank you very much and they don't understand that. They feel that Tony and I are still kids and they get to tell us what to do. I won't be online for a few days while we get the computer set up which could be hard for me cause I keep in touch with so many people by email. Hopefully I will have more time to update though after.

Looking up

Things are looking up now. Lauren had her first birthday and her party was lots of fun. It was just with the family so it wasn't too big. Our house is small so there is no way more people would have fit. It was tight with just family. She had a great time and helped open all the gifts. She loved her cake and actually ate most of it.
She is now always sleeping through the night and it is great. The earliest she is up now is 6:30 but that is very rare and she occasionally sleeps till 8:30.
I am back to work and it feels like I never left. Everything is still the same including all the same high school crap that goes on with the staff. I love my job but not all the things that come along with working with women. Lauren does great at my parents place while we are at work. The last day that Tony took her there she didn't even wake up when he buckled her in the car and drove her there. She did wake up when she got there but went right back to sleep.
We sold our place and bought a new one. It has some work that we will have to do when we move in and they wouldn't come down on the price but we love the area and the house will be good for us. I don't think we will ever move again except to downsize when we are older. This one has a suite in it but it isn't rented and we probably won't have renters unless we really need them.
I am looking forward to the summer and can't wait for holidays. We weren't able to go away last summer so I am hoping to have at least a week and a half at the lake this year.

Our house

Well we finally sold our house. We are happy that is over. We hated having people in and out of our place all the time and we had to go out. It was hard on Lauren cause it was always at her dinner time or bed time. The only problem we have now is a new place.
We had found a great house and lost it because it was subject to sale of ours. Then we found another place that was good too. That one we lost twice. We liked it that much that we bid on it again once we lost it the first time and they bumped us out again. Although karma got them for bumping us twice in that both the offers they had fell through. They ended up taking it off the market and not selling now because of it and if they had stayed with us it would have gone through. We have found a 3rd house that we have an accepted offer on though. It isn't our dream house but it will work. Although we got the inspection done and there is a structural issue with it. We have to find out now how much it will cost to fix. The problem is that we can't try an get the price down on the place cause they have another offer that they could go to instead of ours. We didn't want to pay as much as we are but in order for them to take our offer we had to pay more. So now we don't really have a new place so ours selling wasn't' so good. Now we will end up settling for a house and we didn't want to do that. We have to be out of here and don't really want to rent while we look for another place. It would have all worked out if someone from the other places hadn't kept bumping us. SO now we will be paying half a million for a house that isn't great and has structural issues. We know that there isn't anything out here right now and there isn't' much coming up that is what we are looking for. Needless to say we had a very stressful few nights with our place waiting for subjects to be removed and now we are having a hard time figuring out if we should go for this one place or if we need to settle for something smaller. The thing is that we can't move again. This mortgage is already going to push us to the limit and we wont' be able to do it again. Also with house prices on the way down we will lose money that way. I don't know what we are going to do but we will keep trying something i guess.

Sleep, Weaning and more

Well I had said that I wanted Lauren weaned by April 1st and that didn't happen. It was my own fault though as I don't think I was really ready to give it up. As it turns out the last time she had breast milk was Saturday afternoon. If I had known that would be the last time I might have paid more attention. We were on the island for a baby shower for my cousin and it was just easier to feed her that way. Then she did great and took her formula for dinner and a bit before bed and she didn't need any more as she only takes her formula now. I am happy and yet kind of sad at the same time. I know I was done with breastfeeding and everything but I guess I am sad that she doesn't need me any more. I did have a bit of problems with engorgement but I just pumped off an ounce or so and was fine. Now I am still producing a bit but it isn't bad. I have been using the Lily pad breast pads and they work great for helping the production go down and as well for Lauren not smelling the milk as bad.

As for sleep, this is going well now. I had been thinking about paying a sleep consultant but just couldn't justify the money. I also had been told that they want your child to have a white noise machine and I didn't want that. I hate white noise while sleeping and didn't want to teach Lauren to have that all the time. As it turns out my developmental baby group got a sleep consultant to come in to talk to us. I thought that it would just be a general talk but it wasn't. She sat down with us and went over each persons needs and set up a personalised plan for me. It turned out it was great timing with Tony home for the long weekend. She also doesn't agree with white noise at all as it doesn't allow them to get into a deep sleep. She is also trained in child behavior as she said most aren't. We started Thursday night. The plan was that the first 2 nights would all be Tony. He had to put her to bed and to go to her every time she woke up. This was for 2 reasons, 1 so she didn't smell milk and want it and 2 because mothers tend to parent more with emotions and give in easier. It was very weird for me to not get up at all during the night. I thought I would be awake and upset with her crying but as it turns out my body knew I needed sleep and I slept through it all. Apparently she woke up at 12. The plan is to wait 10 minutes then go in to her for 2 and repeat till she falls asleep. Out for 10 In for 2. The main trick is to NOT PICK HER UP. This is hard when she is crying so hard. If you pick her up and rock her that is teaching her another trick rather than eating to sleep. The first night it took 2.5 hours for her to go back to sleep and then slept for 2 hours and then was up for another hour. She was then up for the day at 6:30. The second night I didn't sleep as well and was watching Tony go in. She slept till 1 and then was only up for an hour and a half but she was way more angry. She was on her tummy and then up on all fours. She doesn't crawl and this was the first time she was up on all fours for any length of time. We were glad we have a video monitor as we thought she was going to learn to crawl that night she was so mad. She then went back to sleep till 6 and that only took 20 minutes to get her back to sleep till 8:30. The 3rd night it was my turn. She woke up at 2 and when I went in it seemed to make things worse but I did my 2 minutes and left. Then for the second time in Tony went and she fell asleep within seconds of him going in. She then woke again at 5 and Tony went again and she was fine. The 4th night was the best, she woke up at 6 and I went in once and then Tony the second time and she was asleep till 8:30. Last night was a bit different though. It is normal to go through a regression on night 5 and she did. She was up almost all night with me going in and out. I think part of it was that Tony wasn't going in. He wasn't home cause he had to work a night shift. It did make me feel better that I could get her back to sleep on my own though. So far so good though. She has made it to 6am now and last night was a regression night. A few things the woman told me though was that all the sleep people that say they can have your kid sleeping through the night in a week is wrong. It takes about 3 to be consistent. Also dream feeding a baby to get a little more sleep in doesn't do anything. they are waking up because from 12-5 they are in a light sleep cycle and they need to suck to go back to sleep. It has nothing to do with being hungry. This made a lot of sense. So now we will just wait the 3 weeks and stick to not picking her up and see what happens. I have already noticed a difference though!

As for the more. We still have our house up for sale but have now dropped the price. We aren't looking for what is out there till ours sells so it is just wait and see. Someone has to buy it sometime don't they?

Life

I am a big one to know that everything happens for a reason but sometimes it just sucks. We really liked the house that we had an accepted offer on. We were using the same realtor so he was giving us a deal on our realtor fees. He also wanted us to keep the other house so he wasn't showing it as much and was putting off other realtor's. I know he wanted us to buy it cause then he wouldn't have to split the fees with someone else but I didn't care we wanted that house. We had done our inspection and got the financing in place we were just waiting for ours to sell. We had till April 15th to have ours sold. Unfortunately our realtor went on holidays and the guy he had take over was showing the other house every day. He was taking just about anyone through but never showed ours. So that meant that someone else made an offer on the house for the same price that we offered but they didn't have subject to sale on it. That gave us 24 hours to remove our subjects if we wanted it. We couldn't do it so we lost it. Anyone that wants to see what we could have had the MLS number is F2927458. We really loved the house. Now we are looking for something else. I have a feeling ours is going to sell but the person is going to want us out quick. This won't be good if we don't find something else in the meantime. I am not going to rush to find a place and settle for something that isn't quite right. I am not used to moving. Growing up we never moved. I was in my original house all my life till I moved in with Tony. The realtor keeps saying that we will move in a few years but that isn't how we work. We want to find one place and stay. The other one was perfect for that. There just isn't anything out there right now that works for us. The realtor that is filling in called us and wanted to show us a few places. He was a bit pissed at us though. He thought we would be looking in the same price range but he was wrong. We were only in that range with a renter. We have now decided that we are not going to go that route. We want something under 450, must have at least a single garage, can't be a filled in carport though. We have to have at least 3 bedrooms and preferably 3 bedrooms and a den. It has to have at least 2 bathrooms. He said that we are being picky now. Well we are. We found a place we liked that had what we wanted and now it is gone so we have to start again. We are going to be picky and find what we want so that we don't have to move again. Ours hasn't sold and we haven't had people looking so we just wait and see what happens. I am mad that the other one is gone, I really liked that house. It was just the look we wanted, but it is gone so we are going to try again and we are going to be picky. We also aren't going to move on the price of our house. All the other ranchers in the area are asking at least 20,000 more and they are the same size with smaller lots. We asked less to try and sell faster but it didn't work. I think it hurt us cause the others are selling. One of the people looking at ours actually said to the realtor they think we are hiding something cause we are asking so low and trying to get rid of it fast. In actuality we wanted to sell fast to get another house we aren't hiding anything. Tony actually fixed the one spot that had mold instead of covering it up. (it is outside by the hot tub so not a danger to anything). I just keep telling myself that we will find something. I just wanted it before Laurens birthday and I went back to work. Now it won't be and Tony is going to have to go digging in the storage unit to try and find all my works stuff that is in a few different boxes that aren't labelled so it could be interesting.

On a side note I left Lauren with my parents yesterday while I went shopping. This was the first time she has been with someone other than myself or Tony. Well it went just fine. She didn't notice I was gone I don't think. She didn't want to drink her formula at all though but still ate some lunch and had a nap. This week I am going to go out for the whole day not just a few hours and she will have to take the formula. I am going to go take part in some paralympic games. I am going to see the mint and the northern house. I missed it for the Olympics and I am not going to miss this. She did just fine with my parents and it was great for me to get out. I even sat in a coffee shop and had some lunch and read my book. It was wonderful. Most mothers are sad the first time they leave the baby the first time, Not me it was time and I loved it. Of course I couldn't wait to give her a big hug once I got home but I still had a great time.

Weaning: Lauren 100 parents 0

This weaning thing isn't working so well. It started out good with her taking her sippy of the formula and then breastfeeding after. Well it didn't take her long to notice that if she didn't drink all the formula I would just feed her. So she got to the point that she wont' take any. Figures that she figured it out sooner than I did. So Tony decided last night that we won't let this happen and that she has to drink it before getting me. This resulted in her going to sleep without anything last night. Then waking at 11 and having a temper tantrum till 2:30 when all she was offered was the formula. She went back to sleep till 7. Oddly this is the best she has slept in a while. Then this morning she refused it again and had her morning nap with nothing. I tried once she woke up with some fruit as she really doesn't even want solids during the day and she refused all of that. She did have 2oz of water from her cup though. It is now 3:30 and all she has had to eat since yesterday at 3 is 3oz of formula, 2oz of water and one bite of fruit. I feel like I am starving her. I feel awful. She is down for her second nap of the day though and I am surprised she can sleep. I do feel bad cause she has a bit of a cold she is battling but I have to have her weaned by April 1st. I have never done this before and I feel awful. If I ever have another kid they will be given a bottle every day. They will also get formula every so often. Even though I hate to do it I can't go through this again. I feel like I am torturing her. I just don't know what to do!

update

Well it has been a while again but I have been busy with house showings and keeping the house show ready. So far no offers but at least one person a day comes for a showing and most often it is 2 a day.

We had our appointment at children's to work on Laurens diet. We also had her developmentally tested as they want a baseline for the test. They told us that she was on track except with motor skills which we knew. Then I got the official report in the mail and it was different. With her motor skills she is in the 1st percentile and at a 5-6 month old level. We knew she was behind but we are working on this. Our muscles wouldn't work right after not being able to use them for 2 months either. Her language is right at the 50th percentile at 10 months so that is perfect. Then what really surprised and upset me was that her cognitive level is only the 16th percentile at the age of a 5 month old. My own development worker though feels this is completely wrong as you can't have perfect language skills but be that behind cognitively. They did do the test when it was past her nap time and she was fasting so she was tired. One of the tests was to see if she would take blocks out of a cup and put them back in. Lauren on the other hand saw that it was a cup and dumped the blocks out and then lifted the cup up and tried to drink out of it. She was hungry! there was no way she was going to put the blocks into something that she wanted food out of. My own worker is going to do the testing herself next time when she isn't tired or hungry and see for herself. I was okay with her being a bit behind but there is no way that she is that behind. She has friends older than that and she is ahead of them. SO I have to just remember that the test wasn't perfect and I know she is ahead of that.

The diet will be hard. She is actually only the second person in the world to be on it and the other kid is in Germany. I am sure once I get used to it then I will be fine but at the moment it is a lot of math to figure out how much lysine is in everything she eats. I have to measure everything I give her and then measure what is left after and then do the math. I am still a bit confused as I won't always have a scale with me so I am unsure how to figure out how many grams are in 2/3 cup of banana. It is going to take us a while to figure this all out. She will basically never get to have animal products. Although they have started her on her weaning schedule and her formula gets mixed with whole milk. She has till April 1st. It is actually going okay so far except she gets up still at night at that will have to stop or I will have to give water or formula. By April 1st though I will only be allowed to give her 800ml a day. She seems to really like her special formula which helps. She won't take a bottle so it is in a sippy cup but whatever works. Again though the formula is like normal where you have so much water and then so may scoops formula and shake. I have to weigh out 50g of formula then weight out 0.1g of tryptophan which is another amino acid. Then add 50mls whole milk and then add water up to 400ml. I have to have a container that has all the ml marked on it so I can do this. By the end of the week it will be up about 550mls but for now it is 400ml a day. The problem I am having is that it doesn't mix well with a spoon and shaking would work so much better. I just don't have a container that has all the measurements on it that has a lid. I divide this formula between 3 feedings a day. That is basically breakfast lunch and then before bed. I just haven't figured out what to do about night time yet but I might save some formula for overnight if that is the case. She gets breast milk after the formula but already I am noticing she takes less now.

So it looks good for weaning so far I just have to figure out her food a bit more and then work on her eating more food than she does!

House

Well it looks like we have the house we want subject to the sale of this house. We could still get bumped if someone else puts in a really good offer and we don't want to remove the subject to sale. Our realtor doesn't think that is an issue as he feels this will sell fast but apparently there is a lot of people now interested in the other house.
We have been crazy busy getting stuff out of this place and into storage which means little to no sleep for Tony and I. Lauren also hasn't been sleeping but I think that has to do with she is cutting 3 teeth at the moment.
Thank goodness for friends though as I have had a friend help the last couple days to keep me in check and on track and to watch Lauren while I run around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. The realtor is coming tomorrow to take pictures to put on MLS which should be up by tomorrow night. He was going to come today which was cutting it a bit close but tomorrow will be perfect. There is a few things we have to finish before showing it but hopefully by Saturday we can do that. Again friends to the rescue to help.
We will have an Open house/ Housewarming once we get into it but at this time we don't' get it till the end of April. We are hoping for a little earlier so we can have Laurens birthday in the new place but we don't know yet. I hope so cause all my cake pans are packed away in storage and they are at the back on the bottom so something tells me Tony won't want to go looking for them. Although it could be a good excuse to buy her a new one.

A side note: Lauren got approval for her special diet. We go next week to learn all about it but she needs to be taking her formula really well by then cause they are saying April 1st is the last day of breast milk at the latest they would like it sooner. I am not sure what else to do but weaning isn't happening at all at the moment. I am still open to tips from anyone.

A house

Well it looks like we found a house. I won't jinx it and say where it is or anything but we are going back tonight to check it one more time. If we like it we will put in a bid and see how it goes. Then we put ours up for sale. If anyone wants a 3 bedroom 1 bath rancher in Aldergrove with 1/4 acre lot let me know. It will be for sale. I am nervous about buying another place. It is so expensive. I guess though we have to bite the bullet and we will be ahead in the long run. We will have an open house - house warming so people can come and see it once we are ready. We hope to have a bit of a longer closing date so we will be moving in April I am guessing. That will be interesting as I have a busy Easter long weekend and then Laurens birthday is at the end of the month and I want to celebrate that for sure in a house that is ready. I am nervous and scared but excited all at the same time. It has a renter in the suite which we will keep for about 5 years. This way we can get back on track to have the mortgage paid off sooner. The house is an okay size with the space we will have and when we do get the whole house it will be really nice. By then I am hoping we will have 2 kids and we will want the space as the kids will be bigger by then. I will keep everyone up to date on how it goes.

A little update for Lauren: she is almost sitting and I have a goal of the 23rd so that she will be 10 months. I know she is behind but she is getting there. She still doesn't want the bottle but if I mix it 1/2 breast milk 1/2 formula she won't scream anymore. She doesn't suck on it though and only take about 3 oz in over 2 hours and that is with us squeezing it in her mouth. We need to figure that out. She does reach out for it now and she does put it in her own mouth. She will do this with the bottle and the sippy cup so we are trying maybe just the cup.

Not working

We were supposed to start Lauren on a bedtime bottle of formula. This was for a few reasons. One because she has to start taking formula and I have to start weaning. Two because she isn't even close to sleeping through the night and the doctors feel that my breast milk just isn't enough for her because of the amount that she eats in a day, and three because it is part of her diet and with the amount of breast milk she is getting it is to much Lysine. This is the third night and it isn't working. She doesn't take a bottle as it is. We tried it in a bottle and in a sippy cup both of which she won't take. If she gets any in her mouth she coughs, chokes and spits it out. This goes on for at least 2 hours with her screaming till her throat is so sore she is actually hoarse. She then usually falls asleep in Tony's arms for about 20 minutes till she wakes up hungry and it starts all over again. All 3 nights I have had to then just feed her as she is hungry and won't take the bottle or sippy cup and won't eat the formula. We need something to work and we just don't know what. Her screaming like that for hours just does us in. Her waking up multiple times is exhausting me. I need me time. I need to get away from her for more than 3 hours at a time. I would like to be able to go out with Tony but I also need to go on my own as well. I would love to go out with girlfriends and have some time to ourselves. I really want to go to a movie and I can't cause there isn't enough time between feeds. I am back to work in 3 months and I need her completely weaned and sleeping through the night. I know 3 months sounds like a lot but it isn't. I really need this by the end of the month so that I can go out and do some stuff on my own and leave her with my parents before I go back to work. I love her completely but this just isn't working. I am open to suggestions as something has to work!

House hunting

I have decided I hate this. I know we have to move as this house just isn't big enough. I guess I kind of hoped we would add on but I know that just isn't the way to go. Adding on would be so much stress with us having a baby and who knows how long it would take. It is just easier to move. I just hate moving. I am also not looking forward to having to get our house ready to show. It isn't on the market yet or anything and we are just starting to look for places first. Our house should sell fast as it is a starter home so it is actually harder for us to find a place. We would have so much stuff to put in storage and then I would have people going through my house when I am not home. I think that is the part that bothers me. I don't want people in my house.
We have looked at a few places so far but nothing yet has made us want the places after viewing them. We are picky as we never want to move again. We are also trying to buy as cheaply as possible as we don't want to extend the mortgage by much. My parents and his keep saying that getting a 35 year mortgage now is fine and then when we have more money we can pay it down faster. I am trying to figure out where this "more money" that they keep talking about is going to come from. My mom said that I will get raises every year and that will help but the way I see it the interest rates will go up, property taxes will go up, cost of living will go up. All of that will be way more than my raises. Also stuff for Lauren won't be cheap with her special diet. If i want another child that will be more money. I am just not sure if I want to get into a 35 year mortgage especially since I only have 13 years left on mine now. We are looking at another place this weekend and we will see. This one is way high in our price range but it looks good so far so I am just not sure. It is also in Langley rather than in Aldergrove where the rest have been so it will be a stressful weekend I am sure.

Updating

It has been a while since I updated. During this time not much has changed. Lauren still takes great naps. I just wish I could space them out a bit more. She has a great morning nap about 2 hours after she wakes up. Then she seems to want to have another nap 2-2 1/2 hours after that. It doesn't seem to be enough time for me to get stuff done outside the home though. It also doesn't seem to make a difference in her night time sleep. Sometimes she wakes once or twice a night sometimes it is every 2 hours. I have stopped going to her every time to see if she will settle on her own. When i say that it is every 2 hours that is every 2 hours that i actually have to get up with her cause she isn't settling. This weekend was awful. She was awake almost all night and screaming. We couldn't find a reason though. She isn't teething that we know of. She wasn't gassy or to hot or cold. Tony actually had her come to our bed where she still was screaming. He finally took her out to the living room to play with her. She didn't want to play but eventually fell asleep out there and slept for over an hour with him rubbing her back as she slept on the floor. then after a weekend of no sleep for either of us she had a 3 hour morning nap on Sunday and a hour afternoon one. Sunday night she slept till 2:30 Monday and then slept till 8. She did this again last night. We will see what happens this weekend. We have an appointment at the bank on Saturday at 11 which will be right when she is going to want to nap so it should be interesting.

She still isn't sitting at all and doesn't seem to want to. We have all these exercises to do with her but they don't seem to work well. She gets onto her tummy though and gets her knees up as if she is going to crawl. The only problem is her arms aren't strong enough so they just push her backwards and then she gets mad cause she is getting farther and farther from the toy she was trying to get.

As I said before we are going to the bank on Saturday. We have to figure out if we are going to move or build onto here. I am not looking forward to either one but we need a bigger place. This one just won't cut it for us anymore. I am just not looking forward to extending the mortgage. It is hard enough being on mat leave right now and playing bills i really don't want to do this. If we have another baby it will be the same where i only make about 40% of my wage and it hurts us. We only have 13 years left on the mortgage and i don't want to extend that too much right now either so I am having issues. I know that we have to do something though cause I can't stay living here with this tiny house either.

Its better

Well I have definitely got better lately and it all has to do with sleep. Lauren now takes 2 naps a day. About 1 1/2 hours in the morning and 1 1/2-2 in the afternoon. She always did take 2 naps they just were never long enough and no matter what I did she wouldn't stay asleep. I can lay her down for both of them awake and just turn on her mobile and she goes to sleep. She still sometimes falls asleep when I feed her but that is okay. I am not about to wake her up to say "wake up it is time for your nap" I have also stopped going to her as much at night. During the week I would go in sooner so that Tony wouldn't wake up. I understand he has to go to work but i need my sleep too. Now she usually wakes up around 11 or so and I leave her. The longest she fusses is about 3 minutes and she isn't crying just fussing. Last night was the best yet, she fussed at 11 for about 1 minute then didn't wake again till 3:20. I went in and fed her then. I almost don't think she needed to be fed though. When I went to her she had stopped making noise and was just chewing on her cabbage patch dolls foot. I think I got up without thinking and just went to get her. She also didn't eat with as much gusto as she usually does so tonight I will try and wait a bit longer. She then slept in till 9. She never sleeps this long. Of course my parents came just before 9 to see her but at least I got to visit with them before she woke up and she woke up so happy.
Sometimes I nap with her now but not all the time. I feel more energised now with more sleep.
I also now have my own vehicle. For the longest time I just had the truck if I wanted to go out. The truck isn't the most reliable and wouldn't start more than half the time. Also her big car seat doesn't fit in the truck. I then can't see out the passenger side. I can't drive without the mirrors in the truck cause with the canopy you can't see out the back. Now the blazer is finally on the road and I have my car back. I can now go out and do things like a real person. It is great. I knew life would get better I just kept waiting. I am hoping this is it now and not just a nice couple of weeks.

After Holidays

It always seems the first few days after the holidays are kind of sad. I miss the holidays and yet I am glad they are over. I still have my tree up and all the decorations but they will be down on the weekend.

Christmas was good and bad. I loved seeing my cousins that I don't normally see but I won't go to the island for Christmas again. It was way to busy of a day and we didn't enjoy the time as much. We started Christmas eve going to my parents to open gifts as we wouldn't have time Christmas day. This was okay but Lauren was so tired and wouldn't nap cause there was so much going on. Then we went to Tony's parents for dinner. Lauren fell asleep in the car so we drove around till she woke up just so she could get a bit of a nap in. She only slept for 30 minutes but it was better than nothing. All night at his parents she was stimulated no matter what we said to let her relax. Finally Tony's dad took her and she just sat on his lap and that helped. We left very quickly after dinner though. Dinner was late cause his mom was playing with Lauren and that made it right at her bedtime. She was fussy all through dinner and I basically shoveled it in as fast as I could so that I could get her ready for bed. I got her in her jammies and fed her and everything and we were ready to leave and his mom grabbed her causing her to spit up all over everything. That meant more time to change her and stuff. We made it home after she screamed the whole way home. Thank goodness she went right to sleep once she was in her own bed. The next day stared the moment she woke up at 6:30. She had also been up every hour and a half all night so that meant none of us got sleep. We went to his parents again to open gifts and have turkey sandwiches. She actually fell asleep in his moms arms for about 40 minutes so at least she got some sleep. We then rushed to my parents and opened our stockings and then rushed to the ferry. We were hoping she would sleep on the ferry as it was at 1 and that is her nap time. Unfortunately this didn't happen. I didn't let anyone else hold her or anything and just cuddled her the whole time hoping she would sleep. She then decided to fall asleep as soon as she got back in the car. This would have been okay except it is only a 20 minute drive to my cousins place. We tried to lay her down once we got there but she wouldn't do it. She screamed and wouldn't calm down for 3 hours. Finally she just gave up and was happy again. It was like she was fussy through her nap and then was back to her happy self. She got to visit with everyone for about 2 hours and that was a nice 2 hours for us. Finally I noticed she was exhausted and ready for bed. I put her down and she was out. This was sort of nice for us as we could have a nice dinner. Then we had to rush to get the ferry home. Luckily she didn't wake up when we put her in the car. She slept till about 10 minutes till the ferry docked on our side. We just stayed in the car with her and slept. She then screamed the whole way home. Once we got home she didn't want to sleep either. Finally around 2ish she gave in and we could all go to bed. She then decided she was going to get up every hour and then be up for the day at 8. I was so tried and at the end of my rope. It wasn't fair to Tony or to Lauren as I was not nice with no patience for anything. It took me till new years day to finally relax a bit. New years we stayed home and I was in bed by 10. I was up at 12 though feeding Lauren. I don't think she would have woken up but our neighbours decided to light off firecracker for 30 minutes in their front yard and throwing them in our yard right outside her window. It woke us up so it doesn't surprise me that it woke her.

Since then though Lauren seems to have a bad cough. I think she had a cold all over Christmas and was stuffed up but we thought it was a reaction to the perfume his mom wears as Lauren sneezes every time she is around her. I think that the cough is the end of the cold. She wakes up every half hour or so coughing but goes right back to sleep on her own. She is now only getting up once maybe twice a night to eat. I am hoping that this will be her normal and not because she is sick. I am getting more sleep and feeling so much better. I have more patience than I have had in a while and not so awful to be around. I was not nice to live with I am sure. I need my sleep though. I had a 4 hour nap till the day I started kindergarten so I have always liked my sleep. I knew once I had a baby I wouldn't get as much but I really thought it would be more than 4-5 hours a day. I almost can't wait to go back to work cause I will get so much more sleep. When I do nights I will get even more sleep. I don't really want to go back to work but I will enjoy the sleep.