Things I have learned

I have learned a lot this past year.
I have learned that you can't get everything you want when you want it. Okay I understand this one but I just thought that if i planned stuff it would happen. I planned when I wanted to have a child and it worked. Never did it occur to me that it wouldn't last and that I would spend almost a year grieving and stressing about not having another one.

I have learned that sometimes you need bad things to happen to realise just how important something is to you. I knew I wanted kids and Tony finally agreed to but it took us having a miscarriage to notice just how much we both really wanted to have a baby.

I learned that sometimes you need your mother. For those that know me well know that my mother and i didn't have a great relationship growing up although it has been getting better as I have grown up. When I got the bad news that my baby would not make it I drove home from the appointment and all I could think about was that I needed my mom. This didn't happen though cause I hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy yet so I did keep it to myself but it was a weird thought for me to have.

I have learned that no matter how much pain you may be in others may be going through the same thing or at least understand what you are going through. I don't think I could have got through it as well as I did if I didn't have friends that understood and knew the right things to say. I also learned that so many others I knew had been through it too. So many went through much more pain than me and had to say goodbye to the baby they got to see and hold. I have to say they are much stronger than me.

I learned that people can say completely the wrong things but they don't mean to hurt you more they just don't know what to say. Although a simple "I'm sorry" works the best.

I learned that for some people this can ruin a relationship for others it can make it stronger. I am so thankful that I was in the latter group and it has made us stronger.

I learned that good things do happen you just have to wait for it sometimes. It will happen when the time is right and when it is meant to happen.

I learned that I had to let go. I was holding in so much grief and anger that it was really affecting me. I needed to let this go before I could heal.

I learned that when you think you have hit your low you can go lower. I know when March hit and I wasn't pregnant again I was devastated. I didn't think that I could ever be that depressed but I made it through with good friends and Tony.

I learned that acupuncture really helps with stress relief and can make you feel better. I really feel that this was a changing point for me. I am not sure if it was the acupuncture or that fact that I was taking a step to help myself heal

I learned to let things happen. This one took me a long time. When i finally put away my thermometer and stopped paying attention to the calendar it was like a huge weight came off my shoulders. It must of been what I needed cause the first month without it everything happened like I wanted it to all the other months of planing.

I learned that with everything combined that I learned, I would finally get to have my dream of having a baby. I just needed to go through all of this and learn some things first.

I learned that in life you never stop learning, Without learning you would never understand what life is really about.