Half way there

I am finally 20 weeks and half way. Although it doesn't quite count I guess as I know that I will probably be late. I just have a feeling. I am getting excited for next week to find out what I am having though. I am still thinking boy. I think it will be a huge shock if it is a girl. It won't be a bad thing at all though just not what I am expecting to hear. I should say read. Tony won't be able to go to the appointment so I have already told the doctor that she has to write it down and seal it in an envelope and then I can take it home and we can read it together. I will have to get her to sign the outside of the flap though cause I am bad at not being able to wait and checking for myself even though this is something we have to do together.
I had my ultrasound on Monday and it was great. The last time I was there was to tell me that not everything had passed from my miscarriage and that I would need a D&C so it was nice to get good news. It was so great to see the baby moving and waving. Tony really enjoyed seeing the heart beating away. He even wondered if we could get one of those machines at home so he could look at it often.
My life has gotten easier a bit after my uncles passing but it is still hard. I cry over the smallest things that would never have done it to me before. To make things worse my grandpa did have pneumonia and the also found lung cancer that has spread. He never smoked but unfortunately in those days everyone else did and in buildings that he was in. I went to visit him on Monday and walked right by his bed and didn't recognise him at all. At least Tony did so I didn't look like a total idiot. It is hard to see him like that cause he was always such a proper man that stood to greet you and everything. Now I just go and sit and hold his hand cause it is hard for him to talk sometimes. I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that these 2 men will never get to meet my baby. I know my uncle is up there watching out for it though. I know that my other grandpa will be there with him to have a drink when it is born and my grannie and grandpa will be together then and they all will be like angels for my child as well as Tony's grandparents, some of whom will become great grandparents for the first time. Oddly I feel that children probably see ghosts and maybe they will all come to visit and my child will get to meet them just not be able to tell us about it. I know it sounds weird but I think that imaginary friends are real to the child but so many people telling them that they aren't real make them start to believe it themselves. I don't' know if i am right or not but I just feel that my baby will meet this important people to us and know that they are there.